Beware of knock-offs; accept no imitations

Urine trouble: A St. Louis-area man is facing criminal charges that he used a prosthetic penis and someone else’s urine in a failed attempt to pass a drug test as part of his probation. A probation officer spotted the man using the prosthetic, which is sold online as the Whizzinator.

The 34-year-old man was arrested and released on $25,000 bond pending trial. But since it passed the urine test, the Whizzinator was told it was free to go.

Some cheese with your whine? A Florida billionaire is suing a one-time fellow billionaire for $320,000, claiming he was sold several bottles of wine that weren’t authentic bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild wine from the 19th century. Unscrupulous wine dealers have been known to put vintage labels on cheaper bottles.

His first clue that something wasn’t right should have been the Rothschild label carelessly slapped onto the box of Franzia White Zin.

See my vest: A baby gorilla being raised by human surrogates wearing gorilla vests at a Cincinnati zoo is doing well and is learning to roll over, sit up and may soon start walking on all fours. The gorilla vests are used to acclimate the infant to other gorillas.

But the vests also have proved popular with younger hipster zookeepers who wear the vests to nightclubs and gather in circles to groom themselves.

Off to the races: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are calling for Queen Elizabeth II to end her support for pigeon racing. PETA claims that tens of thousands of the birds disappear and die during pigeon races across the English Channel.

Buckingham Palace declined comment but later announced that it was canceling the after-race squab fry.

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