Bridging the gap between lawmakers and cockroaches

A bridge not far enough: State and federal officials are considering a temporary fix to span the Skagit River at Mount Vernon after Thursday’s collapse of I-5’s four-lane bridge. Built in 1955, the bridge was classified by the state as “functionally obsolete.”

Our Bureaucratese-to-English Dictionary defines “functionally obsolete” as “can be taken out by a truck with an oversize load.”

What about the gap between their ears? State lawmakers who have their portraits taken every two years for use online and in publications have been requesting a little Photoshop retouching to mask wrinkles, erase blemishes and even close a gap between teeth.

Recognizing the looming cost of replacing the I-5 bridge over the Skagit River, legislators — rather than paying the estimated $15 million to replace it — proposed touching up a photo of it to close the gap between Mount Vernon and Burlington.

Vacancy at the Roach Motel: Research has discovered that the lowly cockroach has evolved in a matter of decades to consider the glucose-sweetened bait in traps as bitter. Sweetened traps are no longer luring roaches to their deaths as they had 20 years ago.

Checking the Cockroach-to-English Dictionary, “human intellect” is now defined as “functionally obsolete.”

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, Oct. 24

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: Choices for Edmonds City Council

Endorsements: The editorial board recommends Josh Thompson and Adrienne Fraley-Monillas for council.

Robinson: Why are we in Niger, and why doesn’t Congress know?

The Constitution gives Congress the authority to declare war. It needs to reclaim that role.

Saunders: In shaming press, Kelly bails out his president

Kelly slammed reporters for taking a ‘sacred’ moment and turning it into a cable-news chew toy.

Harrop: Sorting charges of sexual harassment in age of tweets

One would like to see #MeToo put to good use, but the wild west of Twitter makes that difficult.

Marysville council race: King cares for his community

I am writing this to encourage the voters in the city of… Continue reading

Ticket offer is fair compensation after Loverboy concert

I’m also a disappointed fan, after Loverboy’s lead singer left the Xfinity… Continue reading

Monroe mayoral race: Thomas a champion for city

I’ve had the privilege of working with Mayor Geoffrey Thomas of Monroe… Continue reading

Port of Edmonds races: Retain current commissioners

As Edmonds residents since 1981, we have enjoyed the beauty and amenities… Continue reading

Most Read