Bridging the gap between lawmakers and cockroaches

A bridge not far enough: State and federal officials are considering a temporary fix to span the Skagit River at Mount Vernon after Thursday’s collapse of I-5’s four-lane bridge. Built in 1955, the bridge was classified by the state as “functionally obsolete.”

Our Bureaucratese-to-English Dictionary defines “functionally obsolete” as “can be taken out by a truck with an oversize load.”

What about the gap between their ears? State lawmakers who have their portraits taken every two years for use online and in publications have been requesting a little Photoshop retouching to mask wrinkles, erase blemishes and even close a gap between teeth.

Recognizing the looming cost of replacing the I-5 bridge over the Skagit River, legislators — rather than paying the estimated $15 million to replace it — proposed touching up a photo of it to close the gap between Mount Vernon and Burlington.

Vacancy at the Roach Motel: Research has discovered that the lowly cockroach has evolved in a matter of decades to consider the glucose-sweetened bait in traps as bitter. Sweetened traps are no longer luring roaches to their deaths as they had 20 years ago.

Checking the Cockroach-to-English Dictionary, “human intellect” is now defined as “functionally obsolete.”

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Friday, Jan. 19

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: Help community colleges meet job training needs

Lost in the focus on K-12 school funding, have been the needs of community and technical colleges.

Ignatius: How military trains to let others do the fighting

The struggle for the U.S. military has been to accept letting other nations fight their own battles.

Milbank: Trump’s fine, but his Trumpism may be contagious

Trump may be in ‘excellent’ health, but has the White House doctor contracted his hyperbolic style.

Harrop: Immigration won’t get a fix because GOP doesn’t want it

Trump and Republicans in Congress prefer the status quo and their ability to use it politically.

County needs to plan better to prevent sprawl

Thank you for printing the commentary by Tom Campbell (“Time is now… Continue reading

This is how a stable president acts?

While claiming mental stability along with intellectual “genius” status, President Trump shows… Continue reading

Even a ‘limited’ nuclear war would be devastating

I wish to second the thoughts in the Jan. 12 letter to… Continue reading

Editorial cartoons for Thursday, Jan. 18

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Most Read