Election wrap-up: The phrase “the popular vote” still causes a good many citizens to have unhappy flashbacks of high school. Let’s clique (homophonically) our way through the headlines:
•”Colorado governor to potheads: ‘Don’t break out the Cheetos’”: Like Washington, Colorado citizens voted to legalize marijuana. Gov. John Hickenlooper said: “This will be a complicated process, but we intend to follow through. That said, federal law still says marijuana is an illegal drug, so don’t break out the Cheetos or goldfish too quickly.”
Before becoming governor, Hickenlooper was a “beer entrepreneur,” as an Atlantic magazine article puts it. He founded Denver’s Wynkoop Brewing Company, the first brew-pub in the Rocky Mountain West. So, nobody move too fast, don’t break out the Cheetos, don’t crack a hand-crafted beer until Hickenlooper figures out how to capitalize on a new kind of entrepreneurship.
•”Why is ballot counting so slow in Washington?”: It’s part of our quirky, the opposite-of-what-you-would-expect, Coffeeland charm? Because we like elections so much that we must wean ourselves off them, rather than going cold turkey? Because Bill and Karolyn Slowsky (the turtles from Comcast commercials who a few years ago established The Slow Party) were elected Secretaries of State?
”Crocs have super-sensitive jaws”: So those “crocodile tears” aren’t a scam, after all. It turns out thick-skinned crocodilians are actually more sensitive to touch than humans, scientists discovered. That would explain their lightning-quick snappishness. (And puts a dent in our exhortation to people perceived to be overly sensitive to cultivate a “thick skin.”)
”Useful ways to protect yourself in cyberspace”: Useful? You make the call. How to choose a “safe” password: Don’t use a dictionary word, a sequence of numbers/letters (i.e. 45678 or abcdef) or anything that’s personal (your kid’s name, dog’s name, your anniversary).
Instead, use passwords with at least 8 characters, a mix of upper-/lower-case letters, and a combination of letters and symbols (, &, $, etc.) Without irony, the next sentence advises: “Try to make it something you can easily remember.” As it turns out, nothing could be harder to remember than a random mix of upper/lower-case letters and symbols. Which is why, of course, people fall back on “Fido123” for the 50 or so passwords required for daily life.
•”Fisker suffers hurricane loss”: The electric car maker lost 300 of its Karma plug-in hybrids to flooding at a New Jersey port due to superstorm Sandy. The $100,000 luxury sports cars have been cursed with troubles from the start.
Such as when the car Consumer Reports purchased broke down before the official test drives could begin. Considering Fisker’s ongoing “suffering,” perhaps it needs to research the name of its hybrid just a little more thoroughly.
Change your passwords this week. But watch out, “Cheetos123” will turn your keyboard orange.