Dammit, Jim!

Jon Bauer, Herald staff

Dammit, Jim!

I’m a philanthropist, not a doctor: The Bill &Melinda Gates Foundation and the Canadian government are putting up $38.5 million to develop a real “tricorder” similar to the one used by Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy and other “Star Trek” series medical staff to diagnose illnesses in the field.

Like GPS navigation devices that feature celebrity voices, the new tricorders will feature Bones advising: “He’s dead, Jim.”

Name the president of Uzbekibekistanstan: NBC premieres a new game show today at 8 p.m. Apparently it’s not enough to send losers home with a lovely parting gift of Goobers and Raisinets. “Who’s Still Standing?” says good-bye to losing contestants by dispatching them through a trapdoor beneath their feet.

If we can’t have Donald Trump moderate a debate of GOP presidential candidates, couldn’t we at least have the candidates fall through trapdoors when they lie?

That’s for the fumble: Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow’s string of fourth-quarter comebacks, after each of which he would drop to one knee in a prayer of thanks, ended Sunday with a 41-23 loss to the New England Patriots.

After the game at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium, Tebow dropped through a trapdoor that God had opened on the sidelines.