As we blast our way toward the Fourth in our patented pyrotechnic fashion, let’s take a quiet look a the headlines:
•”CBS escapes fine for Janet Jackson ‘wardrobe malfunction’”: In addtion to recent rulings on health care, immigration and other big issues, the Supreme Court had the final word on the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show in which singer Janet Jackson’s breast was accidently exposed for a second or two — something few people saw in real time, but was replayed over and over.
The FCC fined CBS $550,000 for the incident. CBS appealed and won, and the FCC appealed, etc. The Supreme Court declined to hear the FCC’s appeal, leaving CBS the winner all these years later.
Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts called the FCC’s action “arbitrary and capricious.” But he also said CBS’ characterzation of the incident as a “wardrobe malfunction” when Justin Timberlake ripped away part of Jackson’s bustier “strained the credulity of the public.”
So, to be accurate, let’s say Timberlake strained the credulity of Jackson’s outfit…
Another argument for cameras in the Supreme Court: The chance to watch the justices watching the credulity-straining Janet Jackson halftime show.
•”Leap second on Saturday will cause 61-second minute”: We hope you used your extra time wisely. Due to inflation, that now constitutes a “long” weekend.
”A brand new ocean — on Saturn’s moon Titan”: Dude! Who will get there first: The Navy, NASA or China? Surfers, smart dolphins, or a scary plastic-bottle sea monster?
”Why supermarket tomatoes tend to taste bland”: Because they were created to be uniformly pretty?
”TV’s get bigger, fancier, pricier, but July 4 sales remain”: Apparently buying a television is more American than apple pie. And better for the economy. Eating apple pie and watching TV is also a recognized path to citizenship.
”Women’s ultra-short shorts are on the rise”: As opposed to that one time in 1984 when long shorts for women were “in” for about two weeks?
”NM mom jailed for overdue ‘Twilight’ book, DVDs”: Finding it hard to get the phrase “strains credulity” out of your head? Luckily, the charges were dropped and this didn’t have to go all the way to the Supreme Court.
”Opponents, supporters rally on Mass. swearing code”: People showed up to utter profanities to protest the town of Middleborough’s bylaw that allows police to issue $20 tickets for public swearing. Hmm. The would seem to strain the credulity of the First Amendment. Time to crank up the late George Carlin’s classic, “The seven words you can never say in Middleborough.”