Eau de behave

Led around by their noses: Researchers have discovered that the hormone oxytocin may play a role in promoting monogamy. Men in monogamous relationships who got a whiff of the brain chemical stood farther away from attractive women than those in a control group.

If the married and otherwise attached men are wondering: It’s absolutely a coincidence that wives and girlfriends are buying a new men’s cologne to give this holiday season called “Fidelity.”

I’m with Stupid: A Cleveland, Ohio, woman, convicted of driving on a sidewalk to get around a school bus was sentenced to stand on a street corner and carry a sign that read: “Only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.”

The sentence sounds harsh, but the judge also had the option of ordering her to ride a school bus and wear a sign on her back that read “Kick me.”

Problems on the home front: Commenting on the scandal that led to the resignation of CIA Director David Petraeus, President Barack Obama told reporters he didn’t think Petraeus’ affair with his biographer had affected national security.

Obama also revealed that he had given Petraeus two other options to resignation: Buy a case of oxytocin or carry a sign that read, “Only an idiot jeopardizes his career and marriage.”

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Petri: Ending net neutrality means innovation of bad options

With net neutrality’s end, consumers can choose to get worse service unless they pay more. Hooray!

Will: Whirlpool has Washington in a protectionist spin cycle

The appliance maker wants a U.S. trade panel to impose a 50 percent tariff on imported machines.

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