Frustration continues to mount as Bertha, the world’s biggest drilling machine, remains blocked 60 feet below Seattle, halted in its tunnel-boring mission since Dec. 6 by an unknown obstruction, likely a steel pipe. While city and state officials point fingers, and residents roll their eyes, the solution seems clear: Stop freakin’ and call part-time plumber and full-time Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch to “Beast Mode” Bertha right through that blockage. Of course, they should’ve just hired Lynch in the first place. Fortunately, he’s too busy playing football to Beast Mode a tunnel for the city right now. Maybe in the off-season. (Meanwhile, try giving Bertha some Skittles, and see if that doesn’t stir a little whir out of her.)
Winter, when it’s not a wonderland, can get dreary. If your professional football team is still playing in January, it really brings some fun, excitement and camaraderie to the proceedings not normally found here in Seasonal Affective Disorderland. Today, 400 Starbucks locations in the state will sell tall coffees for 12 cents — in honor of Seattle’s “12th man” tradition. But you must wear Seahawks gear or colors to qualify. (Wearing defunct Seattle Sonics green would be in bad taste since Starbucks owner Howard Schultz sold the team to Oklahoma. Not to mention it’s the wrong sport.)
Additionally, Jack in the Box will offer a 12 percent discount off meals all day to any fan who wears Seahawks gear into any Western Washington Jack in the Box location.
Regardless of coffee and fast food discounts, many fans will be wearing their Seahawks jerseys at work today. Workers everywhere will “Beast Mode” through their work today, and through their “honey-do” lists Saturday, to be ready, and completely focused, Russell Wilson-style, for Sunday’s NFC championship game against the 49ers at CenturyLink Field.
If it happens you are not a football fan, not even a bandwagon one, the championship game is a boon for you as well. Enjoy the empty, quiet streets and freeways, stores and malls, parks, hiking trails, etc. This is a special time; savor it. On the other hand, do not make a big deal about not watching the game, or not knowing anything about it, not owning a TV, etc., known as “Pretentious Mode.” (Save it for when the Seahawks make it to the Super Bowl, the league championship game.)
(Also, worrying you can “jinx” something, by expressing too much or too little confidence, like saying “save it for when (not if) the Seahawks make it to the Super Bowl” is a kind of pretentious too, in a superstitious way. Knock on wood.)
Seahawks Fan Mode takes all kinds, together. Like the team. Go ‘Hawks.