According to news reports, if not the calendar, today is GoToplessDay. Sponsored, naturally, by the organization GoTopless.org. “Protests” are planned in certain cities, including Seattle. The organization’s goal: Exposing the “cover-up” for what it is.
The group says: “We are a U.S.-based organization founded in 2007 by spiritual leader Rael and we claim that women have the same constitutional right that men have to go bare-chested in public.”
Clearly, an inequity that needs resolution. So everybody, go ahead and put your shirt back on. Yes, even if you are too sexy for said garment. Everyone has the right to bare arms, but the whole torso isn’t constitutionally covered, according to CallMeAPrude.org. Let’s cloak ourselves in headlines:
•”China ‘dog-lion’: Henan zoo mastiff poses as Africa cat”: The fraud was revealed when the “lion” barked at visitors. Makes perfect sense in a country full of fraudulent products/labels.
For example, in April, police arrested 63 members of a rat meat gang, which was mixing rat, fox and mink, according to Western Farm Press, fooling many a consumer who thought they were eating mutton, and bought $1.6 million worth of the furry cocktail. (Mutton? Did someone discover the rat when the meat didn’t taste gamey enough?) So, sure. A dog is a lion. Makes perfect sense.
•”Romanian princess arrested in Oregon cockfighting ring”: Some Country-Western songs just write themselves.
”Portland’s Rose Garden renamed the Moda Center”: That’s where the Portland Trail Blazers play, and it perfectly sums up the soul-less nature of these naming deals. As Shakespeare didn’t write, “What’s in a name? that which we call a Moda
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
Remember that song? “I Never Promised You a Moda Center”?
•”Housing market: Hot or cold?”: Remember the old days, when the “economy” was the result of people working, and spending, and was not influenced by the constant and instant “analysis” about things as they happen, or don’t happen, as they case may be?
Remember when things were allowed to be in the middle, instead of just hot or cold, yes or no, black or white? Has life on the high-speed Internet made us so impatient we can’t allow life events to unfold in real time before declaring them this or that?
•”Against all odds, a new newspaper war erupts”: But wait. Newspapers have already been declared dead. By know-it-all Internet analysts and pundits. Thank goodness the people who actually do things don’t listen to those who merely pontificate.
”Attractive male turkeys use their genes better, study says”: It’s all in the wattle, the female turkeys say.
Use the phrase “rat meat gang” or “I’m too sexy for my wattle” in a sentence or song this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, email@example.com