BY Carol MacPherson
Let’s brusquely review the headlines:
“Median American savings: $0”: Well, at least it’s a nice, round number.
“You’ve Got Male: Too many Amazon guys for Seattle dating scene”: Kudos on the headline, MyNorthwest.com, which reports that Amazon now employs nearly 25,000 people, and 75 percent of them are male. Which prompts the question: Where’s Amazon’s dating site, Software Coder Harmony.com? With next day delivery, naturally.
The article notes (for interested women) that Amazon is hiring. I’ll say. The Seattle Times online employment page lists 4,559 Amazon job openings. Wow. Just curious about the breakdown between new jobs and turnover at a company that will pay people $5,000 to quit to ensure that they really, really want to be there.
“Nicer weather means more prostitutes and johns trolling Everett’s streets”: The map accompanying this article (on a rival news site) graphically reminds us, fittingly in this case, that geographically, Everett is, in fact, a peninsula.
“Senators want answers from NCAA president Mark Emmert”: Sorry, senators, but the president of the NCAA is busy managing his unwieldy, oversized salary package.
“We’re now putting ads on the moon”: What a giant step backward for mankind.
Take a peek at our lunar litter, which Megan Garber reports in The Atlantic: “Here is a partial list of the trash that humans have left on the moon: more than 70 spacecraft, including rovers, modules, and crashed orbiters; 12 pairs of boots; 2 golf balls; an assortment of empty packages of space food; TV cameras; various hammers, tongs, rakes, and shovels; backpacks; insulating blankets; utility towels; used wet wipes; discarded personal hygiene kits; and 96 bags containing the urine, feces, and vomit of departed astronauts. Humans have left, all told, nearly 400,000 pounds of stuff on the surface of the moon; …”
Now, the Japanese beverage maker Otsuka plans to add to the garbage by sending a (powdered) energy drink in a titanium can to the moon. As Garber writes: “… the march of human progress has come to an inevitable point in its evolution: we’re about to use our celestial neighbor as an enormous billboard. With the product in question being a powdered sports drink. Because what good is the final frontier if not for helping to sell some stuff here on Earth?”
Exactly. So how long will it take for the first lunar pharmaceutical ad? How many times will the list of possible side effects circle the moon’s circumference?
“Watch Saturn snuggle up with the moon tonight”: Saturn admits to playing cozy so it could swipe a couple of rovers or orbiters, something to add a little bling to its rings.
“?‘Wandering wolf’ may have finally found love after traveling thousands of dangerous miles”: So don’t give up, all you lone wolves out there. Although like Oregon’s wolf, you might have to travel out of your comfort zone.
What product or service would you advertise on the moon, if you were so inclined, and possessed the marketing budget to do so?
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, firstname.lastname@example.org