Get off my lawn

Get off my lawn

A free workshop Friday in Everett will share the secrets of aging gracefully after your 50th birthday.

The Buzz presumes that means participants will learn valuable later-life skills, such as not grunting when getting up from the La-Z-Boy, or keeping your mouth shut when your grandson shows up for Thanksgiving dinner wearing baggy pants and a sideways baseball cap.

Not lovin’ it: How bad is this recession? So bad that even the ultimate recession-proof company, McDonald’s, is hurting.

The Golden Arches has always responded to changing times by tweaking its menu. This time, it’s introducing the McStretch, a burger that thrifty families can make last for three meals. The value meal will include a soda in a canning jar and an old burlap flour sack for the kids to play with.

Brrrr: Can you picture Ol’ Beelzebub with blue skin? Believe it, because Monday hell froze over solid as Duluth in January immediately after the Mariners traded Ichiro Suzuki to the New York Yankees.

Now, if you see pigs fly, that’ll mean the Nintendo guy sold the M’s to Mark Cuban.

— Mark Carlson, Herald staff