Goin’ south

Parting company: Steve Ballmer is stepping down from the Microsoft board, ending a 34-year association with the Redmond-based software giant.

Ballmer said he plans to devote more time to his ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers, teaching a business class at Stanford, making housing arrangements for talented basketball players at Lakeside School, and determining just how many zeroes he needs to write on a check to get Jack Nicholson to shift his allegiance to the Clippers from the Lakers.

All’s fair, including heart attacks: If you’ve got a deep pot, a jug of Costco vegetable oil and something fatty that’s at least somewhat edible, you can make your own state fair food at home.

And with Obamacare, the stroke that will surely follow can’t be considered a pre-existing condition by medical insurers.

Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1977, the U.S. launched Voyager 2, which carried a phonograph record on which was recorded greetings from Earth in dozens of languages.

In the vastness of space, there surely must be at least one planet that possesses 1950s record player technology. Godspeed, Voyager 2.

— Mark Carlson, Herald staff