Honking blows off steam

Let’s bid adieu to April and make room for May, which is, among other things, National Bike Month.

In its timeline of important dates in bicycle history, The League of American Bicyclists includes this nugget for 1972: “Bicycles outsell cars in US (13 million to 11 million.)”

Maybe it was due to high gas prices, or maybe sales of the coolest bike ever — the Schwinn Stingray — were peaking. Let’s do some wheelies over the headlines:

•”Stuck train horn bellows for hours in Portland”:

It was filibustering for a court ruling like the one in Washington that declared car horn honking protected free speech.

•”Millennials struggle with financial literacy”: Oh, sure, it’s just the youngsters. You bet. The rest of that headline should read, “along with their learned elders.”

It’s a tall world … Starbucks to open in Disney parks”: Talk about a grande power couple. There’s talk of a Starbuckian ride, with a Venti slide into a Frappuccino pool. Which led to talks of additional “It’s a small bladder after all” restrooms.

Blind California sea lion will go home to Utah”: Do they think because it can’t see, it won’t notice that it’s living essentially in a desert? On the other hand, he wouldn’t be the first to mistake the Great Salt Lake for the Pacific Ocean.

Travel agents making a comeback”: Turns out that some of the I-can-do-it-myself stuff that was so novel with the advent of the internet is actually a time-consuming chore with little guarantee that you’ve gotten the best deal or even a good one.

Gynecologist claims to find G-spot — on cadaver of 83-year-old”: Raising the question, if you donate your body to science when you die, do you have any say in what area of research you would like your 83-year-old body to be involved in, or not?

Apple CEO Tim Cook emerges from Steve Jobs’ shadow”: One thing that would really go a long way toward that end would be to ditch the all-black clothing ensembles. Unless that was edict of Jobs’ — that his successor only wear the black CEO Apple uniform. If that’s the case, well, he agreed to wear Jobs’ shadow every single day.

FDA approves new drug for erectile dysfunction”: Apparently it works faster than Viagra, Levitra or Cialis. Yay?

Before flying car can take off, there’s a checklist”: Oh, joy. Getting ever closer to the time we can take our road rage to the air. Let the good times … flap.

UFO spaceship orbiting the sun, or a camera glitch?”: Traffic cameras in space? There’s an idea…

If you honk in space, and no one can hear you, is it still protected speech?

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