How about a goat, Dick?

“Bloody thou art, bloody will be thy end”: Scientists announced Monday that a skeleton unearthed from beneath a city parking lot in Leicester, England, was that of Richard III, who ruled England from 1483 to 1485. William Shakespeare famously depicted Richard as a hunchbacked tyrant who dies in battle yelling, “My kingdom for a horse!”

Poor Richard; no horse, no kingdom. But at least he had free parking for all those years.

Penny for your thoughts: Noting that it costs more to make a penny than what it’s worth, the Royal Canadian Mint has ended production and distribution of Canada’s one-cent coin. The government is asking merchants to begin rounding purchases to the nearest nickel.

There goes my retirement dream of opening a 99-cent store in Winnipeg.

Soon to be a major motion picture: The U.S. government is expressing doubts about Iran’s claim that it successfully sent a monkey into space and returned it alive and well to Earth. A State Department spokeswoman said photos of the monkey astronaut seemed to show two different monkeys before and after the space shot.

The truth is, the first monkey did survive the space shot but landed in the compound of the Canadian embassy and sneaked out of the country with a forged passport.

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