Labels tweaked

By Mark Carlson

But still nothing about GMOs: The Obama administration on Thursday rolled out new food nutrition labels that more accurately reflect the large serving sizes preferred by Americans.

Obama critics, feel free to label this as just another example of the administration taking away our freedoms — in this case, the right to wallow in denial of how much ice cream we actually eat.

The only way to fly, end of story: Flying first class these days doesn’t just mean gourmet meals, lots of free booze and seats that don’t cripple you. Some airlines also ensure that the one-percenters never come into contact with the hoi polloi, even at the airport.

However, elite travelers can opt to downgrade to coach if they spot Donald Trump in the first-class cabin.

And no car elevator, either: The Mormon Church is setting the record straight: members of the faith will not get their own planet in the afterlife, a misconception popularized by the Broadway show “The Book of Mormon.”

Hearing that, Mitt Romney directed his staff to find a planet to buy.