‘Like’ Earth, friend a tree

This week hosts Earth Day and Arbor Day. So go plant a tree. Or climb one. Or say “deciduous” three times fast. Or make stuff up like: The term “tree hugger” emerged after a newspaper typo created confusion with its report about “Ardor Day.” Let’s mulch the headlines:

•”Study: Baboons can recognize word shapes”: With sign language, they indicated strongly that they prefer books to e-readers. They don’t break when they throw them, for starters.

Chin implant surgery swells”: For men, the most popular model is the “Kirk Douglas.” If it turns out to be too much of a good thing, you’ve been “Lenoed.” Women also get chin implants, but breast “augmentation” remains the most popular cosmetic surgery. It offers a kind of two-for-one comestic boost: If augmented amply enough, the “chestal” area draws the eye away from the double chin.

World’s best cheese sells for $8,400”: Boy, that must be one huge spray can of Easy Cheese. Actually it was 24-pound wheel of Dutch Vermeer, a low-fat Gouda. At $350 per pound, that better be some good “Gouda Gone Wild” mac ‘n’ cheese.

Airlines lose a record low number of bags”: Could that be because airlines are charging record high fees to check luggage, causing more people to cram everything into carry-ons, thereby reducing the number of bags for an airline to lose?

Column: Women voters not a lock for either side”: Really, U.S. women don’t vote together as a block? How shocking. How about the men voters? Are they a lock for either side?

App lets users hail taxi from smartphone”: And if that doesn’t work, you can always hold it in your hand and wave it over your head, old school.

Space zucchini’s life and times shared by astronaut”: “The International Space Station’s new mascot, a vegetable grown for research, has won the hearts of the crew and even has its own blog,” reports the Mother Nature Network.

Uh, is it time for them to come home? It sounds a lot like Tom Hanks’ character in the movie “Cast Away” bonding with the volleyball, Wilson.

•”Study says soccer is like sex for fans:” This research was conducted in Spain. A majority of Americans insist watching soccer is akin to sleep or a coma. The majority of the rest of the world insists we’re just not doing it right.

More companies quit blogging, go with Facebook instead”: No surprise. Because no matter how trendy the vehicle, a corporate blog is going to read like a corporate blog. And blogs aren’t trendy any more.

It’s hard to chase fads in business. Now that your Facebook page is up, you realize Twitter is where you need to be. For the moment.

You just never know how long something will hold people’s Pinterest.