Since Big Bird costumes are reportedly flying off the shelves for Halloween, you might consider politicizing, er, dressing up as other Sesame Street and Disney muppets, such as: Cookie Monster, the 47 percent Moocher; Miss Piggy, extravagantly flouncing around Big Government-style; or Oscar the Grouch, the constant grumbler who doesn’t vote. Let’s Count von Count some headlines:
•”Jets’ Tebow trademarks ‘Tebowing’”: Gosh, what a humble move from the quarterback who hasn’t had the opportunity to Tebow lately. Anyway, he faces a lawsuit from the Catholic Church which says he is infringing on their trademark “Genuflecting.”
”Galaxies are in no hurry to grow up, say astronomers”: They are unorganized and chaotic, astronomers report, and spend billions of years on the couch snacking on stars.
”Rupert Murdoch, other potential buyers eye L.A. Times”; American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist Warren Buffett, and recent rescuer and buyer of newspapers, where are you?
”Rare frog sports thumb-spikes for sex and combat”: Oh, those crazy kids and their piercings.
”What do you want more than sex?”: According to a study, “young Americans place such a high value on their sense of self-worth that they crave praise and compliments more than food, friendship, or even sex.” Hmmm. How do they hope to get compliments then?
”Lance Armstrong gets dumped”: Nike and other sponsors all announced they were done with the disgraced cyclist. Nike manages to out-hypocrite Armstrong, flipping from being one of his last supporters to his harshest critic, and pretending it’s about ethics, as opposed to the fact that Armstrong no longer has any earning potential for the company.
”The NFL and Nike are selling those hideous wide receiver gloves”: As the USA Today reporter notes, for the low, low price of $99.99 (or $104.98 with shipping and handling.) After washing his hands of the likes of Lance Armstrong, Nike owner likes to put on his favorite NFL receiver gloves and rub his hands together the way rich guys do.
”Dolphins can remain alert for 15 days at a time, study finds”” Apple is feverishly trying to find a way to employ them at the Foxconn iPhone-producing factory in China.
”Rolling Stones sell out $172-$650 concert tickets:” How nice people are willing to support their elders. The opening act is the rockin’ Medicare Part(y) D-ers.
”Star Trek technology: how 21st century scientists are making it so”: It’s only logical.
”How our brains work to erase bad memories”: Like an Etch a Sketch? One mistake at a time? Testifying, “I don’t recall?” Still scouting about for a Halloween costume? Don’t forget Kermit the Frog, (sans thumb spikes), intrepid reporter.