My broker is Roger Ebert, and Roger Ebert says …

Jon Bauer, Herald staff

I’ll take 100 shares of “Hot Tub Time Machine”: A federal agency that regulates commodity trading has approved a new market that allows speculators to trade on the predicted box office receipts of movies. Hollywood studios have denounced the new market as “legalized gambling.”

They’re probably right, but it might be fun to turn to Herald movie reviewer Robert Horton to help us with our 401(k) investments.

  • For Pete’s sake; don’t touch the mini bar: Travel troubleshooter Christopher Elliott offers advice on what you should and shouldn’t swipe from your hotel room. Soaps and toiletries? Sure. Bathrobes, TVs and Gideon Bibles? Think again.

    We’re so nervous knowing that the hotel already has our credit card information, we even put the paper “Sanitized for your protection” band back on the toilet seat.

  • It means “mouthful” in Icelandic: The World Health Organization is warning Europeans to stay indoors if ash from the volcano beneath Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull glacier begins to settle. The fine powdery dust can damage lungs if inhaled.

    At the same time the World Linguistic Organization has warned everyone not to attempt to pronounce Eyjafjallajokull because of the risk of tongue sprain.