Nintendo plays it straight

Jon Bauer, Herald staff

We’ve always wondered about Mario and Luigi: Video game maker Nintendo, rejecting requests from fans, says it will not allow players’ avatars in its “Tomodachi Life” game to have same-sex relationships. Only avatars of the opposite sex can go on dates, fall in love and marry, Nintendo said.

Just to clarify: You can play “Grand Theft Auto” on your Nintendo Wii and commit all manner of heinous crimes, but avatars of the same sex need to keep their pixels to themselves.

Coke adds life sentence: A 90-year-old Indiana man was sentenced to three years in prison, following his guilty plea for hauling more than a ton of cocaine into Michigan.

The man didn’t say where he was going with 2,000 pounds of coke. But let’s just say his arrest spoiled the weekend for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

You don’t know Jack: A TV reviewer is celebrating the return on Jack Bauer in a new season of “24,” even though he can tick off a long list of improbabilities and plot holes.

We stopped worrying about improbabilities and plot holes in television along about the time that Mister Ed started talking to Wilbur.