No more tote bags

Not the bee’s knees: PBS plans to tease the coming season of “Downton Abbey” with a Dec. 1 special. “Return to Downton Abbey” will recap the previous three seasons and shows scenes from the new season as Lord Grantham and company move into the Roaring ’20s.

In a departure from its typical pledge breaks, PBS is accepting donations up front, and unless its goal is met, will broadcast clips of Maggie Smith and Shirley MacLaine doing The Charleston in thigh-high flapper dresses.

Please return your seat to its upright and claustrophobic position: Airlines, looking to maximize profits, are installing slimmed-down seating that allows more seats per aisle and more aisles on the plane, which means less room for passengers.

Before flight, passengers will be asked to apply a generous coating of baby oil to make packing easier for flight attendants.

Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1793, Marie Antoinette, the queen of France, was beheaded during the French Revolution.

We’d suggest something similar for certain members of Congress, but everyone who could clean up afterward has been furloughed.

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River channel must be cleared before Index-Galena Road fixed

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