By Carol MacPherson
One of the fun things about living in the Northwest is that a sunny spring day can suddenly make everybody downright giddy. Hence the “fever.” Let’s see what’s blooming in the headlines:
Republican activist: Pay gap helps women find good husbands: ”: Wow. You go, ma’am. Phyllis Schlafly, age 89, staying on message like nobody else can, conservatively speaking.
“Oklahoma governor signs law barring cities from raising minimum wage”: Such bold leadership. All the better for women to find good husbands. Or something.
“Green Bay Packers fans have their own dating site: ” It makes sense. Who wants to “devote time to a relationship” as women’s magazines say, only to discover the person doesn’t share the same passion for wearing a Green Bay Packer wedge-of-cheese hat?
“Does the price of gas matter anymore?”: With the regularity that big pick-up trucks and huge SUVs are observed zooming around cities and freeways, above posted speed limits and past the “eco” vehicles, the answer oddly seems to be “no,” even, or especially, if accompanied by complaints about the price.
“Mariners blow game in bottom of the ninth to ruin another gem from Felix Hernandez”: That’s no way to treat a king. Or the fans. The season is already going all “Groundhog Day” on us, without the redemption.
“Goldmark breaks campaign vow, takes timber money”: What’s the problem with politics? Alex Trebek: That’s correct.
“Idaho students to get copies of Sherman Alexie novel banned from curriculum”: Good to read about some good ol’ karma for book banners.
“North Korean officials pay visit to London salon over “Bad Hair Day” ad featuring Kim Jong-un”: He was upset that the slogan did not include his official title, “Supreme Leader Bad Hair Day.” (The time he had his hair permed is officially known as the “Peerless leader, the sun of the 21st century, whopper of a bad hair day.”)
“Did a German shepherd get called to jury duty?”: And did he dress up as Hans Solo and otherwise act crazy to get out of it?
““We stuff Turkey Day birds, so why not Easter hams?”: Such as stuff salami inside bologna inside a ham to create a Hamsalbalog? An homage to Thanksgiving’s turducken — a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. Uh, pass the scalloped potatoes, please.
“Google applies for patent on contact lens camera:” Just so they can measure your pupil reaction to products — our eyes dilate when we are attracted to someone, or presumably, something, and sell the information to advertisers.
“Astronauts to grow lettuce on International Space Station”: NASA scientists report that based upon anecdotal evidence, crews report that having plants around was very comforting and helped them feel less out of touch with Earth. The astronauts are so homesick that some lettuce is comforting. And yet not a small amount of people pretend they want to live on Mars. Or would, if they could. Yeah, right.
Have a Supreme Good Hair Day, or wear your cheese hat.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, firstname.lastname@example.org