‘Sigh-burr Monday’ sales?

Cyber Monday? Oh. Well, Cider Monday still sounds like a better idea. Hot, spiced, or “spiced.” Enjoy a cozy cup and a plate of mulled headlines:

•”3 deer use automatic doors to enter Iowa store”: This was last Monday, and they were politely told, despite their cuteness, they would have to wait in line for the Black Friday sales like everyone else.

Man sentenced for stealing lobsters for drug habit”: Police say the Pennsylvania man repeatedly stole lobsters and meat from Allentown-area supermarkets until he was finally confronted as he walked out of a store with $350 in lobsters.

The bare-bones article doesn’t say, however, where the man sold his stolen goods (restaurants? on the streets?) Or was it a straight trade for the drugs with a dealer who has a taste for expensive seafood that’s been marinating in a shoplifter’s pocket for an unknown time?

•”Thieves steal 18 tons of chocolate”: Who wouldn’t want to follow a luxurious dinner of lobster with a couple tons of fine chocolate?

Vegas ‘library’ lends libations”: Makes complete sense in a city of “bookmakers.”

German police stop man with mobile office in car”: While many subscribe to the myth of multitasking, few truly embrace it as fully as the 35-year-old German pulled over for speeding. Police say he had a wooden frame constructed on his passenger seat, which held a laptop on a docking station tilted for easy driver access, a printer, router, wireless internet stick, WLAN antenna, and an inverter to power it all. A navigation system and cellphone mounted to the windshield completed the array.

But there was no evidence the man was conducting business while driving, so he was given a speeding ticket, and a possible fine for having unsecured items in his car.

But his set-up was not only secure, it created instant demand, and a Mobile Office proto-type is now selling like hotcakes.

And a group in the U.S. is trying to get the office to officially count as another person (Miss Hathaway of Mobile Office) for purposes of driving/working in HOV lanes.

•”Hot one day, cold the next — is global warming to blame?”: For melting ice caps, yes. For your hot flashes, no.

Couple finds niche in suspenders”: As opposed to letting out another notch in the belt?

Seattle ranks high on productivity”: It would seem all that coffee drinking serves a purpose, even beyond regional record toilet paper sales.

Scientist plans to catch Bigfoot with remote-control blimp”: Jeffrey Meldrum, an anatomy and anthropology professor at Idaho State University, seeks to raise $300,000 to build a remote-controlled airship armed with a thermal imaging camera that will be used to float above the forests to find the beast, which Meldrum believes exists.

While the university has approved the project, professor Meldrum must find funding for the blimp himself. For the sake of science, let’s hope those donors prove as elusive as “sasquatch.”