We’re lucky, among other reasons, to be able to cling to the last of these summer days, soft and comforting, like Linus’ blanket, rather than trying to outrun a hurricane, or hoping for a little rain relief in crackly drought country. So let’s cross our fingers against an earthquake and/or tsunami and breezily weather the headlines:
•”Carnival tests ‘all-you-can-drink’ alcohol package”: And this differs from a regular cruise in what way? Oh, they’ve designed a specific deal, called “My Awesome Bar Program.” It costs $42.95 per person per day, and can be used to order wines by the glass, beer and individual cocktails priced at $10 and lower.
Hmmm, we’ll leave the math to Carnival’s accountants, and the program’s testers, but if blurry memory serves, it would seem that more than a few people attracted to something called “My Awesome Bar Program” could be quite capable of drinking the cruise line into the red, or rose, if you prefer.
•”First lady works out at 4:30 or 5 a.m.”: There she goes again, with her healthy habits and vegetable garden, leading by example. When people get upset at her “agenda,” isn’t it possible that a wee bit of toned-arm envy might be at the root of it all?
”Honda launches robotic lawn mower”: And a robotic psychic predicts: In an apocalyptic noise war sometime in the near future, The Battle of Decibels, the nation’s leaf blowers will rise up against the robo lawn mowers, leaving all the humans without hearing, but with nice lawns.
”Dinosaur footprint found at NASA Center”: Is this a case of missing the fossil for the trees; or missing what’s right under your rocket nose; or feet on the ground, head in the sky?
”Oregon’s new football uniforms released”: Seriously? Again? Already? They of the infinite uniform combinations, most of which they couldn’t have possibly worn yet, are getting ever more uniforms, and combinations. (None of which are particularly attractive.) Thanks to Nike, the Ducks have more outfits than all the “Real Housewives of Whatever City,” combined.
”Utah station refuses to air “The New Normal”: KSL-TV’s parent company, Bonneville International, is owned by the Mormon church. The station has a history of cutting “inappropriate” NBC shows from its line-up, including “Saturday Night Live.” The station announced it was nixing the upcoming sitcom “The New Normal,” about a gay couple who are having their first baby through a surrogate.
Station officials said the show is inappropriate because they had never seen quite such a blatant rip-off in TV, and urged viewers to stick with “Modern Family” on ABC.
Cruise through the week in your uniform of choice, normal or not.