So long, Abby

Confidentially to: It’s with genuine sadness that The Buzz notes the passing of Pauline Friedman Phillips, 94, who launched the original Dear Abby column in 1956, offering her advice to readers with pragmatism and wit.

In tribute, The Buzz frames today’s column in her style:

Dear Buzz: I’m the world’s biggest jetmaker but lately I’ve had my problems with my engineers union and with my new plane. I can handle that, but I’m really outraged at my competitor — let’s call him “Francois” — because he claims his new plane is better even though he’s going to use the same battery that’s giving me headaches.

Chagrined in Chicago

Dear Chagrined: Never you mind Francois. I’m sure he’ll have his own problems. Just focus on being the best jetmaker you can be, and remember to change the batteries in your smoke alarm every six months.

Dear Buzz: I admit I’ve used some unorthodox — OK, illegal — methods to achieve my goals in life and then lied about it for years. But I’ve come clean, on cable TV no less, but they keep taking my medals away. Isn’t an apology enough?

Banned Substance Pedaler

Dear Pedaler: Not on your life, buster! And don’t tell me that all the other kids were doing it. “I’m sorry” only gets you halfway there. To rebuild your reputation you’ve got a long uphill haul. Start pedaling.

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Monday, Dec. 11

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: Yet another owner for The Everett Clinic

After its brief time with DaVita, uncertainty returns for the clinic with its sale to an insurer.

Editorial cartoons for Sunday, Dec. 10

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Burke: If you’ve been away for a bit, here’s what you missed

If you have been paying attention, check below to make sure you’re not missing a reason for anxiety.

Milbank: GOP attacks on FBI meant to circle wagons for Trump

Criticism of Mueller and the FBI by Republicans ignores the GOP credentials of those they attack.

Editorial cartoons for Saturday, Dec. 9

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Second Amendment doesn’t protect rapid-fire weapons

Regarding the letter to the editor in the Dec. 1, Herald, “Constitution’s… Continue reading

Count freight train vibrations trigger mudslides?

I was lying awake during the 3 a.m. hour recently, when I… Continue reading

Are different standards used regarding sexual misconduct?

Recently news people have been fired as a result of sexual misconduct… Continue reading

Most Read