So long, Abby

Confidentially to: It’s with genuine sadness that The Buzz notes the passing of Pauline Friedman Phillips, 94, who launched the original Dear Abby column in 1956, offering her advice to readers with pragmatism and wit.

In tribute, The Buzz frames today’s column in her style:

Dear Buzz: I’m the world’s biggest jetmaker but lately I’ve had my problems with my engineers union and with my new plane. I can handle that, but I’m really outraged at my competitor — let’s call him “Francois” — because he claims his new plane is better even though he’s going to use the same battery that’s giving me headaches.

Chagrined in Chicago

Dear Chagrined: Never you mind Francois. I’m sure he’ll have his own problems. Just focus on being the best jetmaker you can be, and remember to change the batteries in your smoke alarm every six months.

Dear Buzz: I admit I’ve used some unorthodox — OK, illegal — methods to achieve my goals in life and then lied about it for years. But I’ve come clean, on cable TV no less, but they keep taking my medals away. Isn’t an apology enough?

Banned Substance Pedaler

Dear Pedaler: Not on your life, buster! And don’t tell me that all the other kids were doing it. “I’m sorry” only gets you halfway there. To rebuild your reputation you’ve got a long uphill haul. Start pedaling.

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Wednesday, Jan. 24

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: Not just saving lives but turning them around

Bills establishing diversion centers in Everett and Spokane will aid those with opioid addictions.

Milbank: Senate uses bipartisanship to fill vacuum Trump left

Democrats aren’t abandoning the Dreamers; they know they have to work with Republicans in Congress.

Ignatius: With ISIS gone in Syria, regional grievances return

Long-standing grievances set aside while a U.S.-led coalition defeated the caliphate have returned.

As a matter of fact, I vote and I march

In response to Diane Ferguson’s question in her Jan. 23 letter to… Continue reading

Judge Rep. DelBene by her work for her constituents

The day after the celebration of change-maker Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,… Continue reading

Republicans should ask if they follow Lincoln or Trump

“I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me… Continue reading

Why would Norwegians want to come to America?

Since President Trump questioned why more people from Norway aren’t immigrating to… Continue reading

Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, Jan. 23

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Most Read