So long, Abby

Confidentially to: It’s with genuine sadness that The Buzz notes the passing of Pauline Friedman Phillips, 94, who launched the original Dear Abby column in 1956, offering her advice to readers with pragmatism and wit.

In tribute, The Buzz frames today’s column in her style:

Dear Buzz: I’m the world’s biggest jetmaker but lately I’ve had my problems with my engineers union and with my new plane. I can handle that, but I’m really outraged at my competitor — let’s call him “Francois” — because he claims his new plane is better even though he’s going to use the same battery that’s giving me headaches.

Chagrined in Chicago

Dear Chagrined: Never you mind Francois. I’m sure he’ll have his own problems. Just focus on being the best jetmaker you can be, and remember to change the batteries in your smoke alarm every six months.

Dear Buzz: I admit I’ve used some unorthodox — OK, illegal — methods to achieve my goals in life and then lied about it for years. But I’ve come clean, on cable TV no less, but they keep taking my medals away. Isn’t an apology enough?

Banned Substance Pedaler

Dear Pedaler: Not on your life, buster! And don’t tell me that all the other kids were doing it. “I’m sorry” only gets you halfway there. To rebuild your reputation you’ve got a long uphill haul. Start pedaling.

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Thursday, Jan. 18

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Sen. John McCain: Trump’s ‘fake news’ charges threaten democracy

The “fake news” phrase — granted legitimacy by a U.S. president — provides cover to autocrats worldwide.

Editorial: Eminent domain isn’t popular, but it’s fair

Everett Public Schools’ condemnation process assures fairness for property owners and taxpayers.

Parker: Looking past ‘holes’ and ‘heaps’ to talk immigration

Do race and culture matter? Or should immigration be about the yearning for liberty in all hearts?

Milbank: Trump Cabinet chief sidesteps Trump’s ‘shithole’ talk

Even GOP Sen. Lindsey Graham wonders what happened to Trump on the span of three days.

Unhelpful for John Rosemond to deny mental health issues

As a parent who had to watch her child suffer from obsessive… Continue reading

We need to heed warning regarding nuclear weapons

Thank you for shedding light on the life’s work of Daniel Ellsberg… Continue reading

Homeowners should get price they ask for

I have been following the coverage on the Everett School District using… Continue reading

Editorial cartoons for Wednesday, Jan. 17

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Most Read