Talking turkey

Eat mor chikin: The CEO of Butterball says the company has had difficulty fattening up its birds this year and is investigating the reason why its turkeys aren’t as plump as usual.

It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? After hundreds of years, the turkeys have finally figured out what happens on Thanksgiving and have started taking spinning and hot yoga classes to lose weight.

Try very hard not to think of Terry Thomas when reading this: A new study of the sex habits of the British found that Britons are having sex less frequently than in the past but are having a greater variety of sexual encounters.

But on closer reading, the study says that “leaving the lights on” and “wearing socks” were included among the varied sexual encounters.

Don’t know much about history: President Washington set aside this day in 1789 as a day of thanksgiving to observe the adoption of the Constitution of the United States.

Major embarrassment was avoided when Martha Washington was able to use some club soda to remove a cranberry sauce thumbprint left by Thomas Jefferson on the historic document.

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Sunday, Nov. 19

A sketchy look at the day in politics.… Continue reading

Editorial: School funding half-full, half-empty, but not ample

The Supreme Court says the state’s school funding plan won’t meet its deadline. So there’s work to do.

Viewpoint: How to bridge the political divide at Thanksgiving

With a little bravery and some listening skills, the holiday dinner table needn’t be a battlefield.

Commentary: Legislature hasn’t fixed teacher pay issue

Schools with larger poor and minority populations are still less capable of keeping good teachers.

Commentary: Mental health training for police is saving lives

The training ensures that officers have the tools to deescalate potentially dangerous situations.

Rampell: Corporations are better than people, in GOP’s eyes

The Republicans’ generous tax cuts for corporations will be paid by low- and middle-income people.

Will: In Illinois, battle looms over bankrupting ‘blue model’

Democratic control of its Legislature has led to population drain, budget overruns and tax hikes.

Parker: What to do after the gropers are — well — exposed

While the debate about these offenses is useful, should we put these monkeys in the same barrel?

Keillor: A day without a phone allows time for reflection

The opportunity to pretend it’s 1961 again proves that nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

Most Read