That’s Comcastic!

Jon Bauer, Herald staff

I can’t get no satisfaction. Or service: The recently released American Customer Satisfaction Index of 236 companies ranks Time Warner Cable’s Internet Service at 236 and Comcast Xfinity Internet service at 234, at a time when the two cable giants have proposed a merger that would reduce the competition that could persuade either to improve.

Comcast claims perceptions about poor customer service are outdated. The Buzz attempted to contact Comcast customers for comment on their level of satisfaction, but our Internet was out.

Yeah, sounds like a great idea: The Secret Service is looking for software that would help it detect when sarcasm is being used in social media.

Let’s test it out: Media reports of Secret Service agents patronizing prostitutes are soooooo unfair. (We’ll let you know when they show up to question us.)

Vacuumed-packed salmon: Yakama Nation Fisheries is using a tube that gently sucks up spawning salmon, past a dam and into a tanker truck.

The only problem occurred when a team of bears moved the truck and used the tube like a straw to suck down salmon.