The unfriendly skies

Please return your seat to its sardine position: More airlines are pushing their seat rows closer together, robbing customers of precious legroom. One airline executive is less than sympathetic: “If you want more legroom go pay for it at another airline,” said Spirit’s CEO Ben Baldanza.

“Now shut up,” Baldanza continued, “and put on this parachute so we can drop you at your destination. Here’s your damn pretzels.”

Can you hear me now? Tacoma police reportedly have used a surveillance device that collects cell phone records and texts by tricking phones into thinking it’s a cell tower.

If they’re not using it, can we borrow it; we get lousy cell reception at our office.

Channel-surfing the vast cultural wasteland: MTV’s cooking competition show, “Snack-Off,” challenges its three contestants to create the ultimate hangover cure.

This ought to do it. Watching hipsters with no more culinary experience than cooking microwave popcorn throw various ingredients together into an unappetizing mess would be enough to make us lose our lunch, which usually makes us feel better.

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