By Carol MacPherson
Headlines are like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you want to take a bite out of each one and then put it back. Let’s try a sampler, the nougutty and nuttier the better:
•”Dallas chocolatier pumps out chocolate high heels”: What they lack in arch support, they make up for in calories. Meanwhile, a Houston shoemaker is cooking up some leathery bon-bons.
”High-heel sneakers wedge their way onto kids feet — but should they?”: Of course heels are impractical for children, despite whatever nonsense they might wear on “Toddlers &Tiaras.” On the other hand, chocolate shoes for kids going through growth spurts make a lot of sense — they can just eat them when they outgrow them every week. (Yes, it would be a perfect project for the famous shoe designer, Jimmy Chew, er, Choo.)
”Superdome officials were worried about possible outage”: Further proof that simply “worrying” about something does nothing whatsoever to prevent it from happening.
”Reports: Apple exploring a smartwatch”: Would you believe … a smartwatch might become reality, decades and decades after Maxwell Smart, Agent 89, used one on the show “Get Smart”? Speaking of advancements, wouldn’t it be smart if cell phones came with a mandatory “Cone of Silence” for their users?
”Tiffany sues Costco over sales of engagement rings”: The fabled jeweler and ritzy design house says it’s simply impossible for true luxury to come in bulk.
”Ads on jerseys nearing reality for NBA”: So all those Nike logos all over the uniforms and everything else aren’t advertising?
”Top countries for plastic surgery? We’re No. 1”: USA! USA! USA!
”IOC drops wrestling from 2020 Olympics”: That’s right, enough of that classic athletic competition nonsense. It’s time the world’s oldest sporting event is supplanted by more modern competitions, such as a best-advertising-on-uniforms “Project Runway”-like event, a plastic surgery marathon, and chocolate-high-heeled track and field.
Be ahead of the game this week, and talk Maxwell-Smart style into your watch, and your chocolate shoe phone.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, firstname.lastname@example.org