A look at the top sports stories in today’s edition of The Herald:
1) Maybe you’re better in basketball, but Seattle beats Morgantown any day
Husky fans are sobbing in their Starbucks this morning after their men’s basketball team lost to West Virginia 69-56 Thursday night in the NCAA tournament. They’ll snap out of it, though, once they realize how lucky they are. Unlike their counterparts, UW fans don’t actually have to live in West Virginia.
2) If he was looking for help, the Seahawks are in trouble
The Seahawks’ new head coach, Pete Carroll, attended Thursday night’s Seattle Sounders FC game. He may have been there seeking offensive inspiration. With their porous offensive line, the Hawks may be the only team in Seattle that scores less than the Sounders this year.
3) A good walk spoiled
The Everett Silvertips return home tonight after dropping two games in Kelowna to even their best-of-seven, first-round WHL playoff series 2-2. Silvertips forward Chris Langkow says not to worry, the Tips didn’t expect this series to be “a walk in the park.” Sorry, Chris, but the Closer is still wringing his cowbell into tin foil. After the Silvertips grabbed a 2-0 lead in the series and jumped ahead 3-1 in Game 3, a walk in the park is exactly what The Closer had planned for tonight while awaiting the start of round 2.
4) They’ve fired more coaches than George Steinbrenner
The Washington Stealth lived up to their nickname, disappearing from the local sports radar for four weeks, during which they played three road games and had two byes. They return to Comcast Arena on Saturday night in a game against the Colorado Mammoth, a team intent on setting the National Lacrosse League record for head coaches used in a season — they are at three and counting.
THE WARMUP PITCH
You can still hit him in the head, just make sure he’s looking
In a surprise move Thursday, the NHL banned the practice of hitting an opponent in the head when he’s not looking. The surprise is that the move was not already illegal.
She really likes how they look in blue
The Closer officially ripped up his NCAA bracket this morning and chucked it in the fireplace. Had Kansas, Syracuse, Villanova and New Mexico reaching the Final Four. Mrs. Closer, who made her !@#$%$#@ picks based solely on the teams’ color schemes, still has Butler, Duke, Kentucky and Northern Iowa. Sheeesh.
Opening the season unarmed
You can tell the start of the Major League Baseball season is getting close by the number of starting pitchers icing various body parts in the training room. On the Mariners’ staff, Cliff Lee, Doug Fister and Garrett Olson are ailing. Once the number of ice packs reaches five, the M’s should be ready to go.
Has anyone ever seen camels fight?
Everett High grad Parker Burns recently competed in the NCAA wrestling tournament in Omaha, Neb. Parker represented the Campbell University Fighting Camels. Congrats to Parker, but the folks at Campbell need to work on that nickname. Any time you have to put the word “Fighting” in front of your mascot in order to make it sound intimidating, the name is lame.
Stop! Don’t put that yellow ice in your drink!
The officials who run the Iditarod proudly announced this week that the top 40 finishers passed their drug tests. The announcement came a week after the race ended. Apparently it took officials that long to thaw out the urine samples.
Why is that dog wearing a San Francisco Giants jersey?
And while we’re on the subject of the Iditarod, why are they testing the mushers, anyway? Shouldn’t they be testing the dogs? The way The Closer sees it, any dog that doesn’t mind sleeping outside in 20-below temperatures has got to be on something.
Tennis star Andy Roddick is going to face off in a game of H-O-R-S-E against NBA standout Dwyane Wade. That got us here in the office thinking about other one-on-one matchups we’d like to see:
1) Shaquille O’Neal vs. Ichiro Suzuki in Sumo wrestling
2) Ken Griffey Jr. vs. Ashton Kutchar in prank pulling
3) Quincy Pondexter vs, Zydrunas Ilgauskas in “Scrabble”
4) Barry Bonds vs. Roger Clemens in “To Tell the Truth”
5) Tiger Woods vs. Jesse James in, well … never mind.
Contact The Closer at firstname.lastname@example.org.