By John Boyle
By now you know the Seahawks are having a parade in Seattle on Wednesday to celebrate their Super Bowl championship. And you’ve also no-doubt heard that a lot of schools aren’t going to let students out of school to attend, deciding to prioritize academics over sports. And while in general that’s a good policy, an argument could be made in this case that the historical significance of this is worth more than one day in a classroom, but the good news is this doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.
Why not have both? Let kids out of school, but make this an educational event. The Seahawks have a roster full of smart, interesting people who could teach children a few things while also celebrating a championship. That way, everybody wins. Here are a few suggested courses:
Advance vocabulary with Richard Sherman
The Stanford grad described his former teammate Andrew Luck as perspicacious earlier this season. Did you know what that word meant before then? Neither did I. But now we can teach it to our children.
Don’t let your children have mediocre vocabularies, send them to Professor Sherman.
Math with Russell Wilson
One of the quarterback’s favorite clichés is “100 yards is 100 yards,” and sometimes he also mixes in the width of the field, 53 1/3 yards, so we even get fractions.
For more advanced students, Wilson will give a lecture on calculating passer ratings.
Public speaking with Marshawn Lynch
OK, so maybe this isn’t the most practical choice, but the results would be hilarious. Besides, as much as Lynch doesn’t like dealing with the media, he’s great with kids, so by the end of the parade, your young student can also be “about that action, boss.”
Media and technology with Doug Baldwin
Your kids will sit down with the Seahawks receiver and learn how to break down and evaluate the performances of different media members. Then if you have any questions, Baldwin will teach you how to Google the answer.
PE with Robert Turbin
I mean, have you seed the dude’s biceps? You want him teaching your kids how to stay in shape.
Follow your dreams with Malcolm Smith
OK, so this subject probably doesn’t actually exist in any schools, but it’s a good message for kids, right? And who better to teach it than a guy who came into the league as a seventh-round pick, wasn’t a starter for much of the season, and is now the Super Bowl MVP?
Proper grooming with Max Unger’s beard
Consider this a “what not to do” type of class.
The importance of sharing with James Carpenter and Paul McQuistan
Think how often parents are telling their kids that it’s important to share. Well who better to preach that message than the guys who share left guard all the way to a Super Bowl title.
Dancing with Michael Bennett
This class is for high school students only, and even then it may not be age appropriate. On second thought, let’s save this class for an adult-only Super Bowl celebration.