Soccer shocker, crazy shots and Seahawks fly south

  • Mon Nov 23rd, 2009 11:31am
  • Sports

The Closer


A look at the top sports stories in today’s Herald:

Land of 10,000 tears

In a game that was over by halftime, the Seahawks allowed the ol’ gunslinger Brett Favre to throw for four touchdowns — and Tarvaris Jackson to throw for one! — in a 35-9 loss to the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday. The numbers were ugly: Seattle rushed for just four yards and went 1-for-10 on third downs. The Closer has a pretty good idea what head coach JIm Mora said afterward, and it had something to do with the Seahawks “still working hard.” Hey, what about The Closer? You know how hard it is to watch these games?

A Real shocker

Real Salt Lake beat favorite L.A. Galaxy in penalty kicks to win the MLS Cup Sunday night at Qwest Field. MLS commissioner Don Garber couldn’t contain his excitement over Seattle and the city’s expansion club, the Sounders FC, but he was less than thrilled with the stadium’s field turf. Garber did add that if the city wanted to host the MLS Cup again the price would have to be right.

This sounds familiar

It’s Apple Cup week, which means it’s time for Husky and Cougars fans to break out those tired jokes and the opposing coaches to start talking about pride. Though the subject is a lot easier for Steve Sarkisian this year than Paul Wulff.

Redmon’s revenge

Katelan Redmon, who transferred to Gonzaga from UW after her freshman season, led her new team to a big win over her old team. Redmon finished with 18 points to drop the Huskies to a 1-2 record and help Gonzaga improve to 3-1. Looks like you made the right decision, Katelan.


What happened in the world of sports while you were out hunting for that elusive turkey

The Civil War just got kicked up a notch

The state of Oregon is frothing at the mouth in anticipation of this Saturday’s Oregon-Oregon State game. The Ducks win over Arizona and the Beavers dismantling of WSU on Saturday means the Civil War will determine the Pac-10’s Rose Bowl entrant. The Closer will now light his hair on fire and dunk his head in a gas can.

Sorry, Charlie

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis’ job security was already hanging by a thread before the Fighting Irish were beaten by UConn. Now … well, The Closer is sure ol’ Charlie is dialing up his old buddy Bill Belichick and seeing what it’ll take to get his old job back. Meanwhile, UConn, which was struck by tragedy a few weeks ago, gave fans a feel-good moment with their win.

Les is more

Louisiana State’s comeback attempt against Ole Miss went down the tubes when the Tigers spiked the ball with no time left on the clock. LSU head coach Les Miles was adamant in the post-game press conference that he didn’t call for the “clocker,” though the video below would seem to show otherwise. Oh, Les, you crazy fella.

Hey, Bill, I can do it too

Unlike most of the talking heads, Yale head coach Tom Williams was apparently all for Bill Belichick’s decision to go for it on fourth-and-2 last Sunday against the Colts. Williams not only went for it late in Saturday’s game while leading Harvard 10-7, but he called a fake punt on fourth-and-22. Witness the madness for yourself:

Still perfect

The Saints made it look easy, while the Colts grinded out another win, but both teams now stand at 10-0 and are everybody’s favorite to end up in Miami for the Super Bowl. The real question, though, is who will former Sainst QB Archie Manning be pulling for? The Closer hopes it’s the ‘Aints. Your kid already has a ring, Archie.

Lions in winter

Detroit and Cleveland, arguably the two worst NFL teams, played arguably the best game on Sunday. Rookie QB Matthew Stafford led the Lions on a game-winning drive, which culminated in Stafford throwing the final touchdown with no time left on the clock and his left arm dangling at his side. The Closer has mixed feelings on this: Sure he likes that the hard-luck Lions won a game, but every Browns loss makes it more and more likely Mike Holmgren will soon be calling Cleveland home.


Never underestimate Bruce Gradkowski. The Raiders new quarterback led the Silver and Black to a win over AFC North-leading Cincinnati on Sunday, showing former No. 1 pick JaMarcus Russell that it is possible to complete more than 50 percent of one’s passes and lead the Raiders to a win. After the game, Russell said he could’ve led the team to a win, but he just didn’t feel like it.

It’s Kobe’s world

The Lakers rolled over the former SuperSonics on Sunday and all-world Kobe Bryant hit a behind-the-backboard shot just for fun. (Watch below). The Closer is sure that Bryant was just showing last year’s H-O-R-S-E winner, Kevin Durant, how it was done.


The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …

Wrong hoop, Nate

Knicks guard and former UW star Nate Robinson got in trouble with head coach Mike D’Antoni after he shot at the opposing basket as time ran out in the first quarter of a recent game. I bet Steve Nash never did that, Mike.

Favre-mania goes international

Wisconsin soldiers have been getting flak from detainees in Baghdad about — you guessed it — Brett Favre. The Closer feels there’s a real potential for torture there, however. Place the detainees in front of a TV and put on ESPN’s Favre coverage on a loop. They’ll be singin’ in no time.

Full moon over Chicago

The Internet is atwitter over some video from Sunday night’s game between Chicago and Philadelphia. When Bears WR Devin Hester went up for a pass his pants seemed to be pulled down from behind by an Eagles defender. Watch at your own risk:

Asking for trouble

The Bowl Championship Series hired a new PR firm and the first thing they did was start a Twitter feed. Bad idea. Let the entirety of human madness spill forth.

Ridin’ the Night Train

Television personality Stephen Colbert took a trip down the bobsled track with an Olympic bobsled team and said it was the most exhilirating ride of his life. Colbert, who recently had his “Colbert Nation” sponsor the U.S. speedskating team, may have been trying out for the team. Though he did ask later if the spectators heard him screaming like a little girl. Yes, Stephen, yes we did.


As the Winter Olympics draw near, The Closer thought it’d be a good time to take a look at the celebrities he’d most like to see in competition:

1. Sylvester Stallone, biathlon: Rambo on skis. Does it get any better than that?

2. Tom Cruise, short track speedskating: The Cruiser’s lack of stature (the guy’s a shrimp) would come in handy and his tenacity would definitely pay dividends when he’s got to fight off those South Koreans

3. Drew Carey, ski jumping: It’s not just the Price is Rights host resembles Eddie the Eagle, but could you imagine that Sounders FC scarf flapping in the wind as he hurtles 200 feet into the wind.

4. Will Ferrell, figure skating: We’ve seen this before, but he could spice it up by dressing like George W. Bush.

5. ZZ Top, curling: With those beards, who needs brooms!