Working out at Dunkin’ Donuts

  • Friday, November 27, 2009 11:33am
  • Sports

THE LINEUP

The top sports stories from today’s edition of the Herald:

1. For Seahawks fans, a better season

In case you’re having trouble deciding what gift to buy your favorite NFL player this Christmas, The Herald’s John Boyle offers some suggestions. John is in his first season covering the Seahawks after a couple years on the UW football team. By the way, if you’re looking for a present for John, The Closer is sure he would appreciate the opportunity to cover a winning team for a change.

2. Getting all fired up

Unlike their counterparts in the NFL, Archbishop Murphy High School defensive linemen Julius Tevaga and Tani Tupou don’t perform elaborate, ego-inflating stunts every time they make a play on the football field. Too bad. Tevaga and Tupou, who have Hawaiian backgrounds, recently wowed a crowd at their school by performing an electrifying fire dance during a fund-raiser. Let’s see Ochocinco top that one.

3. Hey, that guy sitting in Locker’s seat looks familiar

The Sour Apple Cup is just a day away, and The Closer can’t (yawn) wait. Herald writer Scott Johnson notes that the UW-WSU rivalry has a history of producing close football games no matter how good or bad the two teams are. Sorry, Scott, The Closer is not buying it this year. The only way Saturday’s game will be close is if UW quarterback Jack Locker misses the bus to the stadium or the UW suddenly reinstates Tyrone Willingham as head coach.

4. How ’bout a maple bar to go with those wind sprints?

One of the pleasant surprises for the Everett Silvertips this season has been the maturation of 17-year-old defenseman Alex Theriau. Theriau credits his increased strength and speed to workouts over the summer in his native Duncan, B.C. The Closer used to work out in Duncan, B.C, too. No, wait a minute, that was Dunkin’ Donuts. My bad.

THE WARMUP PITCH

Man overboard

The best quote of the day comes from former Marysville-Pilchuck High School basketball standout Jared Stohl, who scored 15 points and made all five of his 3-point attempts in Portland’s shocking 74-47 win over UCLA on Thursday. “It was like throwing rocks into the ocean,” Stohl said. After the Bruins’ dismal performance, UCLA coach Ben Howland probably wanted to toss his entire team in the Pacific.

Scaling new heights

The second-best quote of the day comes from Oakland Raiders cornerback Nnamdi Assomugha (pronounced “John Smith”) who said after Thursday’s 24-7 loss to Dallas that “trying to win two games (in a row) for us has been like trying to climb Mount Everest.” Of course, the most important part of scaling Everest is having the right guide. Looks like it’s time to replace Raiders owner Al Davis with a Sherpa.

You say good offense, I say bad defense

No. 3-ranked Texas moved a step closer to a spot in the BS, oh, excuse me, BCS title game with a 49-39 win over Texas A&M on Thursday. Texas coach Mack Brown said the game was an offensive treat for fans around the country. Certainly the fans in Florida and Alabama enjoyed watching the Texas defense give up 39 points. Those fans could be seen licking their chops — and it wasn’t in anticipation of turkey and pumpkin pie.

My 401K is not looking so good either

The Seattle Seahawks didn’t play Thursday, but they still suffered a significant defeat. With a surprisingly lopsided 26-6 win over the New York Giants, the Denver Broncos improved to 7-4, further decreasing the value of their first-round pick in the 2010 draft — a pick owned by the Seahawks.

CURVEBALLS

News from the wacky world of sports:

The cost of losing

The Wigan soccer tam in the English Premier Division offered fans a full ticket refund after a recent 9-1 loss to Nottingham. The Closer likes the idea of offering fans a money-back guarantee, but also understands there is not nearly enough cash in the state coffers to satisfy Husky and Cougar fans who witnessed the 2008 and 2009 football seasons, especially when you figure in the damages due for mental anguish.

Oh, so that’s what RPI stands for

If you’re a fan of March Madness, you’ve heard commentators discuss something called the RPI. What is it? The Closer has no idea. But now comes a clue. Former Arlington football player Tim Acker recently completed his senior football season at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute by earning all-league honors. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute? The acronym is … RPI! The Closer has long been a conspiracy theorist and now is convinced that his Final Four bracket is ultimately determined by a bunch of engineering geeks from a tiny school in upstate New York.

Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com

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