There is a new guy in my life. He is handsome, physically fit, a good listener and totally committed to me. I am of course talking about my poodle, Merlin.
His devotion is so steadfast that he even keeps me company when I fold laundry. Merlin stares at me while I brush my teeth. When I come home from the grocery store Merlin is at the window, awaiting my return.
From a writing standpoint, Merlin is an especially exciting addition to our family because I can reveal his name. I keep my family members’ names out of print to protect their privacy, but Merlin is fair game. “Are you OK with me sharing this?” I always ask my kids if the story is about them. They usually offer an opinion, but Merlin doesn’t care. Every last embarrassing thing Merlin does is fodder for public amusement.
Like for example, Merlin has a predilection for ladies of a certain age. To him, Baby Boomers with gray hair are GILFs: “Grandmas I’d Like to Fawn over.” If you have gray hair, watch out. Merlin will hop in your lap faster than you can say “I’m not really a dog person.”
Or then there was the time we came home and found Merlin standing on the kitchen table eating my daughter’s left-over Cheerios. Since then the kids have magically learned how to bring their breakfast dishes to the sink.
As a shelter rescue, Merlin’s past life living in New Mexico, Arizona and Texas will never be accurately discovered, so I have invented his backstory. In my best poodle voice I help Merlin explain to the kids how he was once a circus performer who had a love affair with a shitzu named Fifi. He quit the circus in solidarity with the elephants and has been awaiting a new home ever since.
Now that Merlin can talk he communicates with our pack on a regular basis. Every morning he helps motivate my daughter to leave the house in time for school. “Where is my girl? We need to leave right now! I have a bunch of trees to pee on.” At night, he shepherds my son to bed at 9 o’clock. “I’m exhausted and I need my boy to cuddle so I can fall asleep.”
After three months of cohabitation we have decided that poodles make everything better — except for white carpet. Merlin claims that when he performed for the circus the ringmaster told him he could pee wherever he wanted. Fifi thought it made Merlin a bad boy, and she liked that about him.
But Merlin’s new boy and girl are not so impressed, especially since they are responsible for cleaning up the mess. My daughter works the paper towels and my son is in charge of carpet solution. Meanwhile, I study a book about crate training older dogs.
“Geesh, Mom,” Merlin says when he sees what I’m reading. “White carpet is boring. I was just trying to help.”
Jennifer Bardsley lives in Edmonds. Her book “Genesis Girl” is scheduled to be released in 2016. Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, Twitter @jennbardsley or at teachingmybabytoread.com.
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