Airline merger news and ‘non-passenger’ fees

There’s a fair amount of airline news this morning:

British Airways said it’s looking to merge with Australia’s Qantas, Reuters

reports. The carrier is also in talks with Spain’s Iberia about a merger.

Quotable: “They are out to create a global player, which is an audacious goal that would be difficult for any management team to pull off.” – Douglas McNeill, an analyst with Blue Oar Securities.

Southwest Airlines won’t expand its all-Boeing fleet next year due to a steep downturn in travel, the carrier’s chief executive said today. Southwest is scheduled to take delivery of 13 Boeing 737s. It plans to retire three jets and plans to “manage” 10 others, the AP reports.

On Monday, Delta said it likely will make changes to its fleet as it merges with Northwest, the The Wall Street Journal. It’ll likely reduce the number of Boeing 787s that Northwest had on order and add to its order for 777-200 Extended range jets.

And, for a little humor, The Onion reports that American Airlines will start charging fees to non-passengers in order to boost revenues.

From The Onion’s story:

“We are confident that these new measures will not discourage customers from flying with American Airlines,” vice president Margaret Wilkinson said. “However, we’d like to remind our customers that there is a ‘discouraged-from-flying-with-American-Airlines’ charge if they do in fact choose not to fly with us.”

American Airlines, which posted a $1.45 billion loss in the second quarter of 2008 alone, claimed that the new fees—including the Taking A Shower Fee, the Knowing What An Airplane Looks Like Fee, and the Eating E.L. Fudge Cookies While Watching A Rerun Of House Fee—will help the company rebound. According to internal projections, the airline will recoup $500 million in the next three months alone, with nearly 80 percent of that revenue coming from citizens asleep at home.

“Watching television last night cost me $250,” said Baltimore resident Michael Peterson, one of many Americans now forced to pay high airline costs for folding their laundry and going to the ophthalmologist. “It’s ridiculous, but what can you do? I guess that’s just the price of not flying these days.”