I knew I was figuratively stepping on a land mine when I ventured to give advice to couples planning a wedding.
In a recent column, I said that if you’re sweating while having to come up with thousands of dollars to provide food and drink at your wedding, perhaps – just maybe – you should shorten your guest list to the number you can afford.
I also suggested that you could have an informal get-together and later invite family and friends to watch a videotape of your nuptials.
I wasn’t surprised that I received some critical responses.
“I can’t imagine anything tackier than filming your wedding to show to uninvited guests later,” wrote Becky from Tulsa, Okla. “Maybe they can bring pictures of the gifts they didn’t buy?”
Well, Becky, “uninvited guests” are people who are not welcome or wanted at your wedding reception. All I’m saying is that it’s one thing to want people to attend, it’s quite another to be able to wine and dine them.
Far too many couples, who don’t have a dime saved up for a financial emergency such as a job loss, their first home or their retirement, forgo financial common sense and hold larger weddings than they can afford in order not be considered inconsiderate or tacky.
What’s tacky is entertaining beyond your means.
Nonetheless, I know there are many ways to have a frugal wedding if you just can’t bear to pare down your guest list. In fact, here are some great ideas I received from readers.
* “Instead of having a wonderful sit-down dinner for a shorter list of people, I think it would be better to have everyone you want at the wedding and then provide the highest quality food you can afford for that number of people,” one reader wrote.
In that case, you could have a brunch instead of a sit-down dinner or a decadent dessert buffet, the reader suggested.
* James Edgar of Charlotte, N.C., said he and his bride found a way to cut costs.
“No food at the reception, just nuts, mints and punch,” Edgar wrote. “The cake was very basic. When all was said and done, the whole production cost about $3,000.”
* Other readers said think early – as in having an early morning wedding or on a Sunday afternoon.
“We had an outdoor wedding in the hotel courtyard at 2 p.m., open bar for a few hours, and a full sit-down-served meal at 3 p.m. for 80 guests,” said Kim Thompson of Gaithersburg, Md.
Because they started the meal in midafternoon, Thompson said, they were charged lunch rather than dinner prices. Although there was an open bar, people drank less because it was a Sunday afternoon. In addition, because they held the ceremony and reception at the same place, they didn’t need to get limousines.
* When choosing a wedding reception venue, think outside the usual hotel-ballroom box.
“I chose to use the clubhouse of a small public golf course where I lived in California,” wrote Rose Marie Subasic. “There was a hot-food buffet and cases of wine at cost from the owners of the restaurant, who were thrilled with the fun of hosting a wedding instead of the standard men’s club dinner and took the event as a chance to be creative.”
* Rebecca Penovich, a reader from Silver Spring, Md., suggested couples could have a sit-down dinner at someone’s home. If you go this route and you don’t want to cook, consider hiring a personal chef, she said.
In fact, there are two professional organizations where you can find a personal chef in your local area. Try the U.S. Personal Chef Association at 800-995-2138, or the American Personal Chef Institute &Association at www.personalchef.com or 800-644-8389.
* Whatever you decide to do, be sure you can comfortably afford to pay for your wedding. And when I say comfortably, that means not using credit. If you want to have a big wedding and spend big dollars, at least make sure the money comes from your savings.
One reader said she took out a $9,000 bank loan (this was in addition to the $9,000 her parents gave her) to help pay for her wedding. To this day, 10 years later, she cringes at her extravagance.
“I swear it put us back about seven years in getting our first home,” she said. “I would tell any bride and groom that if they can’t pay for the party with cash (their own or somebody else’s), then scale back, way back! You can still have a good day. What’s more important is that the marriage lasts and that you not start out struggling and worrying about money.”
Follow this advice and you’ll get more for your money than just one special day.
Washington Post Writers Group
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