In study after study, one reason emerges as the underlying cause for most firings, sudden resignations or work-related disciplinary actions.
No, it’s not being caught fudging on an expense account, sleeping on the job or cribbing office equipment to sell on eBay, although these and other behaviors account for the one general failing.
When bad behavior erupts in a work environment, when an office atmosphere becomes as polluted as that of a dysfunctional family or broken marriage, you need only look for evidence of a failed relationship or a series of negative emotional responses among the people most out of control.
"When people get together in a group, and a workplace is a perfect example, they form emotional ties, just as they did in the first group they joined, their family," said Brian DesRoches, a Seattle consulting psychologist.
"Any patterns they learned in their original family in dealing with emotional discomfort will be repeated in any organization they join."
They typically become most apparent during times of stress and reveal themselves in adult versions of childhood behaviors and feelings including blaming, gossip, manipulation, defensiveness, shouting and yelling, and a strong sense of insecurity.
Managers often assume that they are immune to such behavior, that it’s generally an "employee problem." But they are wrong, said DesRoches, author of "Your Boss is Not Your Mother" (www.selfhelpbooks.com, $14.95).
"Managers may be technically competent, bright intellectually, but if they haven’t addressed certain childhood insecurities as adults, they’re very likely to demonstrate indecisiveness, mixed communication messages, bossiness, stoicism and other dysfunctional behaviors," he said.
They may be trying hard to seem in control, but inside their emotions are churning, said DesRoches.
"Inside, they may be feeling, like they probably did as children, that ‘I’m really not good enough to deserve what I have,’ or, ‘People really don’t like me,’ and begin to compensate by altering their behavior to quell those demons."
While the American workplace is becoming systematically more productive, there are strong indications that simultaneously it’s becoming less and less emotionally efficient.
CEOs once considered the "most admired" now are the "least trusted," and their average tenures are becoming increasingly short.
CEOs fail not because of a short-circuiting of intelligence but as the result of their "illogical, idiosyncratic and irrational ways," say David Dolich and Peter Cairo say in their book "Why CEOs Fail" (Jossey-Bass, $22.95).
They list 11 derailers of CEOs — some of which likely infect us all — that can be devastating when demonstrated in the power-sensitive position of leading a major corporation.
Among them are arrogance, thinking you’re right, everyone else is wrong; melodrama, needing to be the center of attention; volatility, susceptible to mood swings; excessive caution, afraid to make decisions; and aloofness, being disengaged and disconnected. Others include mischievousness, eccentricity, miscommunication, perfectionism and an eagerness to please others.
But DesRoches argues that dysfunctional workplace behavior is an equal opportunity affliction, affecting people throughout an organization. "Employees often show emotional distress by behavior that enhances their feeling of being significant, or included in the organization," he said.
These may be people who as children felt they were not important to the family or missed the loving attention of a parent.
"If they’re excluded from a meeting, or invited but not asked to actively participate, they may unconsciously try to sabotage the organization’s progress that grows out of that meeting," he said.
Other negative behaviors range from workaholism to withdrawal, blaming and criticizing others to mask personal failures, frequent reliance on humor to avoiding serious consideration of important workplace issues, overcompensating by frequently offering advice, taking over other’s work, frequent illness, playing the victim, or asking for advice without any intention of using it.
The key to turning around dysfunction, said DesRoches, is to replace the inner negative feelings about yourself with positive ones. To get there, go to someone you trust and ask them if they notice any bothersome behavioral changes under certain circumstances. The listen carefully.
Start looking inside yourself for the good you have accomplished in life, he said, and dwell on this inner competence as fuel for your emotional well-being.
Begin telling a new story to yourself, as in, "I am competent," "I believe in my ability to make decisions," "I learn from experience," "I am likable and trustworthy."
"When you go into a meeting, think about what you will want to say about yourself after the meeting," DesRoches said. "It’s something you need to practice everyday."
Write Eric Zoeckler at The Herald, P.O. Box 930, Everett, WA 98206 or e-mail mrscribe@aol.com.
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
