As a wedding planner, Lora Grafenstein-Kinzel has gleaned a lot from her clients about couples and money. There are those who haven’t had the money talk despite the wedding being weeks away. There are the ones who don’t agree on most spending decisions, or leave them to someone else. Then there are the couples who clearly have a major problem, but choose to believe that once the wedding is done, everything will be fine.
She has news for them. “The wedding isn’t going to be the only stressor in their life. A new house, loss of job after the marriage, babies — those are all stressors in the relationship. They need to work on (their issues) before the marriage,” said Grafenstein-Kinzel, owner of At Your Service Weddings in Minneapolis.
Planning a wedding presents a natural opportunity to discuss everything from income and debt, to budgeting and establishing priorities. However, a recent survey from Country Financial shows that about half of couples don’t talk about handling the family finances before marriage.
Jon Bauer said having the money talk with wife Sara Ohotto Bauer before getting married last year helped them to make more informed decisions about wedding expenses and develop a plan for gift money.
He admits that the initial conversations were awkward. But discussing financial matters is a necessary part of making a life together.
They decided to open three joint accounts — one for bills, one for discretionary expenses such as vacations and eating out, and one for wedding gift money, which was renamed the baby fund when the couple learned they were expecting a child. They still have their own credit cards so gifts for each other can be a surprise.
James Bryan, a certified financial planner in Edina, Minn., said some new couples tend to get carried away and make a lot of big financial decisions all at once. He urges couples to pause and assess their life goals and their financial situation. Before buying a house, which comes with a host of additional expenses beyond the mortgage, “get rid of debts, build up savings and max out retirement plans,” Bryan said.
To improve their credit scores, couples should pay your bills on time and lower the ratio of debt they carry to the amount of credit available.
Another trick: Add your honey as an authorized user on your credit card, although remember that you are responsible for that card and need to discuss clear spending boundaries with your partner.
Finally, a couple needs to discuss more than the financial nuts and bolts that keep a household happily humming along. Having a strong money relationship is about having good, open, and honest communication.
“Be assertive. Let your partner know what you think, feel or want,” suggests David Olson, president of a Roseville, Minn.,-based company that trains premarital counselors. Olson also says partners must be active listeners, able to repeat what their spouse just said to show they were paying attention and have heard the other’s point of view.
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