I often talk to couples about money, and one thing I always emphasize is the importance of finding someone with the same financial values. So I use my engagement ring story to illustrate how my husband, Kevin, and I realized we were financially compatible.
Before I became engaged, I had read somewhere that if your man loved you, he should at least get you a 1-carat diamond engagement ring. During our discussion about getting married, Kevin went shopping with the four Cs of diamond-buying in mind — cut, color, clarity and carat weight. Once he selected the stone, he invited me to the store to view it before he proposed. All I wanted to know was its weight.
“Is it 1 carat?” I asked.
“Well, honey …,” Kevin started.
“I don’t want it,” I said, rolling my head in indignation.
The salesman respectfully excused himself while we had some intense fellowship. It was a defining moment in our relationship. Here I was, a self-described penny pincher putting pressure on the guy I wanted to marry to buy me a ring outside his financial comfort zone.
To his credit, Kevin didn’t budge or bicker.
“This is the best-quality diamond I can afford with the money I’ve saved,” he said. “If you want to get married, this is the ring that comes along with me. I hope you say yes.”
His comments made me rethink my ring position.
I could have made a big deal about the size of that diamond — or recognized I was about to marry a man with financial integrity. I thought, if he can say no to me, he’ll be able to one day say no to our kids when they want things we can’t afford or to relatives who plead for us to assist them financially with money we don’t have.
I said yes to the ring.
I’m telling you this story because, during a recent online discussion, a reader wrote the following: “An engagement ring is too expensive! How can people afford it?”
I responded: “When Beyonce sings, ‘If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it,’ that doesn’t mean you have to go broke putting a ring on it. Do what you can afford, and if your intended isn’t happy, that’s a red flag!”
Then came a number of people with their frugal engagement-ring testimonies.
“My now husband gave me an amount he was willing to spend,” one reader wrote. “I found a ring I liked. Turns out, he meant that amount for engagement ring and wedding bands. He paid for the engagement ring. I paid for the wedding bands. Problem solved.”
Another wrote: “Fiance bought a cheap-o ring off Amazon to propose. He didn’t know my ring size, so he wanted to buy me a ring of my choice after proposing. I said, ‘I don’t want a ring.’ When we got married, my ring cost $45 — my grandma’s simple band. This is not to say I don’t have some ring envy every now and then. I do admire the pretty diamonds I see on other women’s fingers.”
As I told my chat participants, I have ring envy, too, sometimes. But then I look at my fine frugal husband and I’m like, “I got the golden ring!”
(c) 2016, Washington Post Writers Group
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