Want to keep the holiday crush under control without inciting a family riot? Try suggesting these gift-giving ways.
Set money limits: It can be tough to stick to a budget when those around you are big spenders. No one wants to hand over a pair of socks and receive a Wii in return (or the reverse, for that matter). If everyone agrees on a reasonable limit beforehand, no one will feel resentful for spending too much or guilty for spending too little. In many families, particularly those that are growing exponentially with in-laws and grandchildren, drawing names may work best. Remember, less is more, even for kids: Families with young children may find it useful to cap the number of gifts, not just the monetary value. “It used to be ridiculous the amount of toys and gifts the kids got,” says Jennifer Zahradnik, a Washington resident whose husband’s family includes 11 grandchildren. “And their parents were sick of having so much stuff.”
Of course, in many families cutting back may take some getting used to. Michele Borba, a child-development expert and author of several parenting books, including “Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing,” recommends taking baby steps. “Don’t do cold turkey,” she says. Borba says parents should slowly ease their children into a simpler holiday after a discussion about it.
Chip in, then splurge: Instead of spending, say, $20 per person for separate gifts, a group of friends or family members should consider pooling resources for something really special.
Stuck for splurge-worthy ideas? Try giving an experience. For the spa fanatic, think massage. Or mani-pedi. Or a seaweed body wrap. Shopping for a sports fan? Forget the team jersey; get two tickets to the Mariners’ season opener. A child might enjoy tickets to a puppet show or a kid-oriented concert.
In some families, however, requesting monetary contributions can make for a delicate discussion. Borba recommends using tact and reason.
Spend time, not money: Remember when you were 10 and out of cash, and had to get your mom a present? Remember how you made coupons that read, “Good for One Back Rub” or “Redeemable for One Hug”? OK, maybe the hug won’t cut it anymore, but think of what you do have to offer: Babysitting services for exhausted new parents. Painting assistance for a friend who just bought a house. Pet-sitting for a honeymooning couple. And the back rub still sounds pretty good. If you are afraid that the giftee won’t redeem the coupon, try planning ahead and including a date (for example, “Good for Four Hours of Babysitting on March 8”). It can always be renegotiated, and it makes it sound as if you mean it.
Borba says parents should steer grandparents and other family toward giving experiences, rather than toys or clothes. “Talk to your parents about it. Say, ‘You know what, Mom? What they really want is memories of you.”
Make it yourself: With a little time and maybe just a little skill, most adults can create something desirable with their hands: a framed photograph, a knitted scarf, a plate of cookies.
Give to charity instead: Like asking for contributions, this gift alternative can be tricky to execute. The key is to make sure that the cause you are supporting is important to the receiver, not only to you. Just because you want to ensure that every Dalmatian has a safe, happy home doesn’t mean that your best friend wants to celebrate Hanukkah with a donation to Dalmatian Rescue.
Instead, think about what matters to her and where she already gives her time and money.
Some charitable organizations are especially good at making the donor feel involved in the cause, and some are particularly child-friendly. The World Wildlife Fund, for example, lets donors “adopt” an endangered animal; choose from a list of dozens, including the giant anteater, great white shark and golden lion tamarin.
For a $25 donation, the adopter receives a certificate and a photograph of the animal; for $50, the organization includes a stuffed toy version of the creature, perfect for the hard-to-buy-for stingray lover on your list.
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