As a practicing therapist, I have gotten to know depression through the eyes of many different people. After 26 years, I can say for sure that depression isn’t always easy to recognize.
Most people get an image in their heads of someone sitting motionless in front of a TV, sad, crying and sa
ying they are depressed. The reality is that depression doesn’t always look exactly like that, and often people are depressed and don’t realize that is what is happening.
An easier way to recognize depression is to listen to what you are saying. Depression talks. When depression talks, it sounds hopeless. It says, “This will never change.” “Nothing will make a difference.” “I can’t.”
The hopelessness of depression is what is so darn difficult to overcome. People find themselves overwhelmed by the hopelessness.
Another aspect of depression is the inner psychic pain. There is often something deep within that is truly troubling a person about their life that they want to change, but they feel stuck. Stuck, trapped, caged, these are also feelings that come with depression. It can make you feel like you are in sinking sand.
After all these years of working with people through depression, I have concluded that depression is actually trying to help people. I should repeat that, I believe that many times depression is trying to help people.
I think the discomfort, the inner pain, is trying to get you to take steps in your life to make it better. The depression turns up the heat in your life to make you uncomfortable. The depression helps you feel stuck so that you can do the work to get unstuck.
The real issue is not the depression. It is making the life changes that we fear, doing things we feel unequipped to face, dealing with challenges that feel enormous.
What helps? Many people have strong opinions about medication or going to see a counselor. Sometimes medication is helpful and allows a person to see beyond the hopelessness. The negative thinking can become so paralyzing that the person’s brain can’t think beyond it.
Our brains need certain chemicals to operate. Medication can help provide some of those chemicals that the brain is being starved of in the depression.
Ideally we are living our lives in a way that keeps our brains balanced naturally, but some people have imbalances, and their bodies need medication to balance the brain.
It’s worth checking out. Not every person needs or wants medication, but it is worth considering as it may help to get you moving and to make changes.
Medication, however, will not be able to solve the life challenges that the person needs to address. This is where therapy can be very helpful. If a person knew how to handle the life challenge, they wouldn’t feel trapped, stuck or hopeless.
In therapy, a person can learn the skills and develop their inner abilities to figure out how to address these challenges. Dealing with depression involves dealing with life in some new ways.
Depression is treatable and people can recover. There are some types of depression that return, and developing ways to cope and nurture the self through the pain is extremely important.
Sometimes there is more chemistry involved than life strategy, but figuring out how to manage and reduce the internal suffering is key.
It can take a bit of time and patience to find the right medication and to find a therapist you can work with. Ask people you trust for names of doctors and counselors. That is the best way to begin.
Sarri Gilman is a freelance writer living on Whidbey Island and director of Leadership Snohomish County. You can email her at features@heraldnet.com.
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