Dymphna Wiley was desperate.
Her son, Elijah, was out of control.
“He would try to attack us,” Wiley said. “His sisters would have to go in their rooms and lock the doors. He was dangerous. Kicking, pinching, biting, scratching. He was throwing things. It was a downward spiral of aggression.”
Wiley, who was living in Kodiak, Alaska, at the time, figured she had two options: Put Elijah, now 10, into a residential facility or relocate her family to a place with more treatment services.
Her longtime boyfriend, Chris Theodore, an Alaskan fisherman, grew up in Edmonds and has family here. So, they moved to Washington.
Elijah doesn’t have one special needs issue, he has many. These include intellectual disabilities, severe speech impediment, volatile behavior and some autistic traits.
His issues affect the family, and that’s where The Arc of Snohomish County comes in. The Everett agency is part of a national organization for people with disabilities and their families.
“No matter what the disability or diagnosis,” said Shayne Nagel, Arc executive director. “We work on behalf of individuals with disabilities for a lifespan.”
Arc services include support groups, education programs, advocacy and social activities. All are free.
“If you have a child with special needs, chances are you have special needs, too,” Nagel said.
“We design our programs around the whole family. It gives people a safe place to go and meet other families and feel welcomed, and not feel so isolated. Sometimes people feel they can’t go anywhere because my kid might act up.”
Wiley gets camaraderie from other moms at Arc.
“I started going to the woman’s support group,” Wiley said. “For the first time, I didn’t feel like I was alone. Other people were going through the same thing, even worse.”
Elijah’s sisters, Marybelle, 4, and Anabelle, 12, attend Arc’s Sibshops for siblings. They go as a family to events such as Lego Club, M-Bar-C Ranch and Arc in the Park.
Through an Arc program, Elijah got an iPad that helps him with communication and education. Fascinated by electronics, Elijah listens to Taylor Swift for hours, singing and dancing while watching “Dora the Explorer.”
“Cheese,” he says when a camera is pointed at him, sporting a sweet, wide smile. “Cheese,” he repeats.
Most of his verbalizations are sounds and utterances.
Wiley said Elijah was developing normally until he was 18 months old.
Then he came down with a high fever. “It was like touching a stove, he was so hot.”
The family was living in the bush at the time. Wiley said the doctor didn’t think it was necessary to have the toddler flown out to a hospital.
Elijah’s fever broke after three days, but he was never the same.
After that, his mom said, “Things started going backwards. He stopped talking. He was lethargic and started spacing off.”
Wiley moved the family to Kodiak so Elijah would have access to medical care.
“When he was three the aggressive psychotic behavior started to come out,” she said. “We’d go to someone’s house and he’d stand in the corner and scream and scream. He was afraid to play at parks.”
Elijah has improved in the 18 months since moving from Alaska to Washington, where he has undergone extensive screening and treatment. He has a speech therapist. He is finally on a medication that works.
“He’ll sleep until 6,” Wiley said. “Without it, he was up every two to four hours.”
Elijah can dress himself with help.
“He knows his routine,” Wiley said. “Toilet training, we’re hit-and-miss on that one. He loves to help with housecleaning.”
His favorite task: taking out the garbage.
He seems happier, she said.
“He is saying words more clearly,” Wiley said. “He said, ‘Mom. Mom. Watch this.’ He’d never done that before.”
There are still behavior issues. He has episodes where he is loud, disruptive and tries to bite his teachers at Lynnwood Elementary School.
Like any siblings, little sister Marybelle can be his friend or foe. They still have rivalry squabbles, but not as many.
“He has gotten a lot less aggressive with me and Marybelle,” Annabelle said.
She likes taking him places. Sure, people stare and don’t know what to make of him.
“Sometimes he tries to talk to people. I just say he has some disabilities,” Annabelle said.
Elijah’s in his element at the grocery store.
“He’s pretty well known at QFC,” Wiley said. “He walks in and all the staff are ‘Elijah, hi,’ and they talk to him and hug him.”
Elijah has made strides but will never outgrow most of his disabilities.
“He’ll never live on his own,” Wiley said. “Maybe he’ll come to the point where one day he’ll be able to work with supervision at a supermarket.”
Info
The Arc of Snohomish County is at 2500 Hewitt Ave., Suite 300, Everett. For more information, go to www.arcsno.org.
Padres Unidos: A support group in Spanish for parents who have children with special needs. This group meets the third Friday of every month from 6 to 8 p.m. at Child Strive 14 E Casino Road, Bldg. A, Everett.
Lego Club: For children with or without disabilities, their siblings, friends, grandparents and neighbors to meet and socialize while enjoying the timeless activity of building with Legos. Meets the third Sunday of the month from 1 to 3 p.m. at the Everett Firefighters Hall, across from the Arc office.
Andrea Brown: 425-339-3443; abrown@heraldnet.com. Twitter: @reporterbrown.
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