It’s party time but let us not forget our manners and show up for the festivities without a token for the host and hostess.
"We give gifts when we are asked to attend a function that a person is giving to show our thanks for the effort they have made on our behalf," said Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute and author of "Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It and Why" ($19.95). "It’s a measure of appreciation, even if the host says no gifts are necessary."
Need ideas? Flowers are a flexible favorite that can be tailored by cost, size of arrangement, theme and a host’s preference in color or type.
"If you feel the inclination, you can get an inexpensive vase," Post said.
A bottle or two of wine is another option, festively packaged in a sheer fabric bottle wrap.
"If it goes with the dinner, your hosts can serve it," Post said. "It isn’t a requirement that they serve something you bring that night."
Post suggests a box of chocolates or pastries for after-dinner treats.
"One of the things I’ve seen a single gentleman do is bring scented candles as a gift, something not directly associated with the event," Post said.
Ideas for the holidays are plentiful.
"You can bring some holiday swizzlers for drinks, a little stack of cocktail napkins with a holiday image, some coasters, wine glass rings," Post said. "A friend who was ahead of the season gave a dramatic ribbon that had Happy Holidays written on it."
Post frowns on individual gifts; always bring something for the couple. And stay away from the personal. Items such as lingerie or perfume are too suggestive.
Holiday time is also visiting time, when families and friends join for a few days of togetherness. But under no circumstances should an overnight guest show up without something for the house, Post said.
"Think of the place you’re going and what kind of need they have," he said.
"There’s no difference between gifts for family or friends," he added. "You may think of family as less needful but you have to give them the same consideration."
Guests may be wary of springing for a decorative item, particularly if it’s a first-time visit. Post suggests bringing food.
"One fun thing you can do as a house guest is get a small waffle iron and then buy a jar of maple syrup, some mix, some bacon, gourmet coffee," Post said. "Make a little package that would make a whole meal."
Monogrammed towels in a tonal color are also special, he said.
"If someone has a swimming pool or you visit someone’s beach house, bring monogrammed beach towels," he said.
Post acknowledges that casual gatherings (watching football games, or getting together spur of the moment) don’t require a gift.
"It’s nice to err on the side of being sure," he said. "It’s always easy to stop and buy some flowers."
And do not forget to say thank you.
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