J ust how much can you count on the advice of a friend?
I am in the process of planning a vacation. Rather than read a zillion Web logs from strangers, or search for travel experts such as guides or agents, I have decided to ask my friends for their opinions.
Remember when the opinion of a friend meant something?
It’s like the penny. Friends have somehow lost their voice in this world of people screaming for attention.
I’ve decided to cut down on the amount of attention total strangers are getting from me. Honestly, I check in with my family and Oprah every single day.
But is Oprah my friend? Some days it feels like it. My dog thinks she’s a family member. If I say “Oprah,” he turns his head to look at the television.
I wish I had an hour a day of my friends. I don’t have to reach out to get news, strangers or advertisements. Tracking down my friends does take much more effort and some patience. I have loyal friends, they just live far away by every measure. Even the friends who live in my town can feel far away.
We all suffer from the busy-life factor. Busyness is part of it, but really it’s also the content of our lives. It’s funny, we have all these ways to connect that never existed before, but connecting to our friends is harder than ever.
I did a little experiment last month with my friends, near and far. I sent them an e-mail letting them know that I am planning a trip. I wanted their thoughts.
The responses were touching. I heard about where to watch the sunrise, dinners that make me hungry, horseback trails that I keep seeing in my dreams.
Friends don’t just tell you the name of a few good restaurants, they tell you what to order and where to sit.
Friends think of the little things and they say it with refreshing honesty. They talk about the sheets on the bed and card games they played when the weather was bad.
They pass along the names of people working in the town. “Look for Harry working for the bike rental place and say hello for me.”
One friend sent me her diary, a travel journal of each day on her trip. Juicy! Priceless. I have read it and reread it more than any book I ever owned.
It means so much to hear the inner thoughts from a friend.
I wrote to my friends thinking it would be great to get their ideas for my vacation. I didn’t realize that it would wander into a deep exchange about moments and memories that were tucked away in their hearts.
It was a great escape from our busy lives, a true departure for conversation.
I have a couple of months before my big vacation. Between now and then, my friends have left plenty of daydreams for me to mull over. A small piece of each of them will be traveling with me on my next journey.
Sarri Gilman is a freelance writer living on Whidbey Island. Her column runs every other Tuesday in The Herald. She is a therapist, a wife and a mother and has founded two nonprofit organizations to serve homeless children. You can e-mail her at features@heraldnet.com.
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