Dear Grandparenting:
Few things burn me up more than seeing my grandchildren talk back and talk trash to my daughter and gutless son-in-law who won’t even stand up to his own kids! So they get away with murder, pure and simple. Things would never have gone this far if I was in charge. I would have hammered them down the very first time they gave me that bad mouth.
The grandchildren act like they are in charge and are rude. Like when my daughter informed my granddaughter that she could not go hang out with friends, this 8-year-old girl actually screamed back, “I will not permit you to speak to me that way!” Her parents sat there like nothing had happened while I bit my tongue.
That’s not all — those kids will interrupt and correct their parents. Even worse is when they get “snarky,” as kids say, mocking or aiming biting remarks at their parents. I realize things are different today. What’s the answer?
Alice Sexton, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Dear Alice:
On a scale of one to five, disrespect rates a six from most grandparents. But there’s plenty of it going around, certainly more than previous generations, putting more grandparents at risk for bullying and back talk, too.
Round up the usual suspects: Poor parenting, social media, a greater emphasis on individual rights, broken families, the harder edge of popular culture and society, public educational systems that teach self-empowerment, economic stress and privation, the swarm of anxieties and uncertainties that pervade modern living.
The trick, of course, is to start early and establish the rules. Begin by maintaining your composure. Then it’s a straightforward matter of laying down expectations and consequences, and following up on the consequences. Don’t forget to praise politeness. Good manners are the grease that helps society run smoothly.
Grandchildren may not buy into this, but rules and accountability have been shown to promote a sense of greater wellbeing, according to school psychologists and others who study the problem. The structure provides youth with the security they seek in a world of uncertainty.
Grand remark of the week
Stella Alonzo, of Tucson, Arizona, has “two favorite sounds” whenever her grandchildren visit.
“My favorite is when the grandkids dissolve into giggles and laugh,” said Stella. “The close runner-up is the sound of deep breathing when they are asleep.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
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