We’ve been doing it for eons: gathering together with family and friends to share food and stories. And it certainly doesn’t take a high falutin’ psychologist to tell us it’s time well spent.
Even those nights when everyone is rushed and the food isn’t five-star, the simple act of touching down as a family is good for us. Because when food comes out, hearts and minds expand.
So keeping the welcome mat in front of the kitchen door is a wise maneuver. It is, after all, the most likely space where emotional needs are routinely handled, the room to which friends are drawn at the beginning of every gathering, where midnight talks are the most candid, where Sunday smells like waffles, where mothers and daughters discover there is a middle ground on which to learn about each other.
With little effort, it can certainly be a bigger factor in welding the families and relationships of many more people. After all, the clientele is captive. Most of us have to show up regularly just to keep from starving.
But eating together is about so much more than keeping hunger at bay. It’s also one of the most effective ways that family histories are passed from generation to generation.
“Stop me if I’ve told you this one,” my great aunt would say. But of course, we wouldn’t.
So on any given Sunday, over the roast beef and potatoes, Aunt Meg would tell us again about the time Grandma Skinner first came to America from Scotland, and how Grandma’s betrothed, the irascible John Skinner, took her to a fancy restaurant in New York City and had the waiter present her with an artichoke. And how – after a long boat ride mind you! – Grandma Skinner was decidedly thornier than the edible opponent on her plate, and simply refused to touch it without assistance from the waiter.
Or the time … well, you get the picture. Family stories and even mindless chatter when it’s playful and spontaneous are like magnets to little children. That’s why eating together is important. It’s not about the food. It’s about what’s going on around it.
Only in a relaxed and open environment will kids genuinely want to be part of the process. So worry less about the quantity of produce that passes through your children’s lips and more about the quality of the dinner hour.
Which is where traditions come in. Most of us are creating them without even thinking about it: pizza night; Sunday soup suppers; “Dad cooks tonight” night. These all qualify. And they’re all a big step in the right direction because a time-honored strategy to strengthen the family is to wrap it in traditions. Particularly those centered around foods.
As Boston Globe columnist Ellen Goodman wrote years ago in a tribute to Thanksgiving and family traditions, “It may be that the more our family lives change, the more we cling to these rituals, some skeleton of continuity. The more our family functions change, the more we ask of their form.
“Our families, like our marriages, are usually kept together now by affection and choice. What we want from family life is something sorely lacking from the world: a sense of belonging.”
One of my friend Debbie’s ways of strengthening the bond of family is with the Red Plate tradition. It’s just that, a piece of china inscribed “You Are Special Today.” Since the early 1980s when her children were young, the Red Plate has been used to focus on family events. Earth-shattering or simply smile- or tear-inducing.
On any given night, someone may find this candy-apple red plate at his or her place. It has commemorated birthdays, anniversaries and good grades, of course. But also noble performances on the soccer field, an extra chapter read beyond the assignment, a special visitor’s presence, the first night home from the hospital.
All the Red Plate appearances are faithfully written down in a journal. And this is an essential part of the process, this record-keeping, because as you flip through the pages of that journal you realize that it’s the everyday experiences, conducted around the dinner table, that build up to make a life.
The kind of below-the-radar accumulation often doesn’t seem precious until you look back and realize that it underpins all of the “significant” outcomes that you thought were taking place during the formal gatherings.
Which is something my own mother instinctively knew. Why, even the day before my wedding, when everything was insane, and a good friend appeared at the front door, Mom ran to put the tea kettle on, fix a platter of shortbread, and … stop me if I’ve told you this one …
As I said, just getting people to the table is a big part of strengthening the bond within a family. But we’re all so time-challenged that we tend to give up on the concept unless we can keep it simple.
Well, soup is about as simple as it gets. Plus, who doesn’t like soup? You don’t even have to worry about side dishes or extra stuff beyond a tasty loaf of crunchy bread. And if one of the kids has flavor or texture issues with the soup you’ve made, consider providing something less threatening for them, a simple canned chicken and noodle soup, perhaps.
So here are a few of my favorite soups …
I guess you could say potato cheese soup is the most traditional soup in the Dominguez household. When relatives hit town, this is the soup we make. We pack it along for day hikes in the Cascades, cross-country skiing and winery touring. It’s delectable, hearty-rich and cheesy.
Potato cheese soup
1quart chicken broth (homemade or canned)
21/2pounds potatoes, unpeeled, coarsely chopped
2cups chopped green onions, whites and about half the green stalks
1quart light cream
1/4cup soy sauce
1teaspoon freshly ground white pepper
6ounces shredded Swiss cheese
6ounces shredded cheddar cheese
1/2cup beer, dry white wine or dry sherry (or extra chicken broth)
In a heavy-bottomed soup pot, bring the chicken broth to a boil. Add the potatoes and simmer for 30 minutes or until the potatoes are very soft. Add the green onions and remove the pot from the heat. Add the cream to the pot.
Puree the potato-broth mixture in a blender or food processor. (You will have to do this in batches; when blending, fill the container only half full and cover the lid with a dish towel because the soup “spurts” quite violently as it’s being blended.) Return the puree to the pot. Stir in the soy sauce and pepper and slowly bring the soup back to a simmer.
Note: The soup can be prepared to this point up to 48 hours ahead and refrigerated, or prepared and frozen for 3 months.
When ready to serve or pack into a thermos, proceed with the recipe by placing the pot back on the burner, over medium heat. When the soup begins to simmer, stir in the grated cheeses gradually, a handful at a time. Now gently whisk in the wine, sherry or beer (or extra broth).
Yields 8 servings.
Ham hocks are one of the true “secret ingredients” of cooking. They impart so much flavor and texture. It’s amazing that they aren’t more widely used.
Great split pea soup can be made without them, but incredible split pea soup is made possible by their inclusion.
18cups water
4cups (2 pounds) uncooked split peas, washed and checked for stones
2pounds smoked ham hocks
4tablespoons vegetable oil
1carrot, finely chopped
2onions, finely chopped
10cloves fresh garlic, peeled and minced
4bay leaves
1tablespoon dried marjoram (or 3 tablespoons finely minced fresh)
1tablespoon dried basil (or 3 tablespoons finely minced fresh)
1teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2teaspoons salt, or to taste (the ham hocks are salty, so salt judiciously)
In a heavy-bottomed soup pot, bring 10 cups of the water to a boil and add the split peas. Cover and simmer over low heat for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, or until the peas break down and dissolve. Stir the pot periodically to prevent sticking and burning. If the water seems to disappear, add a little more, enough to cover the peas.
At the same time, in a separate pot, bring the remaining 8 cups water to a boil, add the ham hocks, cover, and simmer for 2 hours. Strain the water and add it to the split peas after they have dissolved. Pick the meat off the hocks and discard the bones and fat. Chop the meat and add it to the split peas and water. Continue cooking over low heat.
While the peas and hocks are cooking, heat the oil in a frying pan and saute the carrot, onion and garlic until the onion is translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the bay leaves, marjoram, and basil, stir for 1 more minute, and remove the pot from the heat.
When the split peas have broken down, add the salt, pepper and carrot-onion mixture. The soup should be thick and creamy. Taste, adjust the seasonings and cook over low heat for 10 minutes. May be served immediately or prepared up to 2 days ahead, refrigerated and reheated.
Makes 8 generous servings.
Recipe adapted from “Sacramental Magic in a Small-Town Cafe,” by Brother Peter Reinhart
This is an extremely satisfying soup to have on hand for impromptu meals with drop-in guests or a summer-into-autumn day hike with the kids.
1 1/2cups dried cannellini beans, sorted and rinsed
1/4pound bacon, diced
1cup finely chopped onion
1cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/2cup finely chopped celery
3cloves garlic, finely minced
1cup dry sherry
7cups chicken broth
2cups cubed Yukon gold potatoes (cut in 1/2-inch cubes)
2teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary
2teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
1/4teaspoon ground white pepper
Salt to taste
Parmesan cheese for garnish
Soak the beans for at least 24 hours in a large bowl of water; drain.
In a large, heavy-bottomed pot, over medium-high heat, saute the bacon until browned. Reduce the heat to medium-low, remove the bacon pieces with a slotted spoon and set aside and then pour off all but 1 tablespoon of the bacon drippings. Add the onion, bell pepper, celery and garlic to the bacon drippings and saute until the onion is softened and translucent, about 3 minutes. Pour in the sherry and deglaze the bottom of the pot by stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot to dissolve the cooked-on food particles, and cooking until the sherry has reduced by half.
Add the chicken broth and the soaked and drained beans and cook for 15 minutes. Add the potato cubes, rosemary, thyme and pepper, and continue cooking until the potatoes and beans are tender, about another 20 to 30 minutes. Stir in the bacon and adjust the seasonings by adding salt to taste and additional pepper if needed. Serve with Parmesan cheese.
May be prepared up to 2 days ahead, refrigerated, and reheated before serving, or frozen for 3 months.
Makes 8 to 10 servings.
The simplicity of this delicious soup is one of its most appealing attributes.
3tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2cups chopped yellow onion
3cloves garlic, minced
128 ounce can Italian plum tomatoes, undrained
1tablespoon chopped fresh basil (or 1 teaspoon dried)
1/2teaspoon dry mustard
1/4-1/2teaspoon salt
1/4teaspoon white pepper
1/4cup tomato paste
1/4cup flour
2cups homemade or canned chicken broth
1cup half and half
2-4tablespoons dry sherry (optional)
Garnish: For a wonderful flavor and texture contrast, I like to break up rounds of garlic flavored crostini into 1/2-inch pieces and pass around for diners to sprinkle on their soup.
In a deep saucepan, melt the butter and saute the onion and garlic until softened and lightly golden. Add the tomatoes, basil, mustard, salt, pepper and tomato paste. Simmer uncovered for 10 minutes.
Whisk together the flour and about 1/2 cup of the broth to form a smooth paste and then stir this into the soup, along with the remaining 1 1/2 cups of broth. Bring the soup to a boil and then reduce the heat and simmer, stirring constantly, until the soup has thickened. Remove from heat and puree in a food processor or blender in two or more batches (do not fill the container more than half full). Return the puree to the pot and stir in the cream.
The soup may be prepared to this point and either refrigerated or frozen.
When ready to serve, gently reheat it, adjust the seasonings and then add the sherry to taste, if desired.
Yields 6 servings.
Adapted from “Private Collection 2,” by the Junior League of Palo Alto
Jan Roberts-Dominguez is a Corvallis, Ore., food writer, cookbook author and artist. Readers can contact her by e-mail at janrd@proaxis.com.
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