Young children are notoriously finicky. Broccoli, salmon, beets — name a healthy food, and there’s a preschooler who won’t eat it. But many just as quickly rule out carrots, pot roast or scrambled eggs, or anything that’s not white or smothered in ketchup.
“Picky, picky, picky,” many a parent, myself included, has muttered over the antics of a recalcitrant pint-sized diner.
Parental concern has reached a fever pitch in this age of hyper-parenting, rising rates of childhood obesity and a tide of “kid-friendly” food products.
“The trend in recent years is that almost everybody has become more anxious about it,” said Ellyn Satter, a registered dietitian and family therapist and author of “Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family.”
With my first child, I thought I had it all figured out. She was a happy eater, devouring almost everything I cooked. Now 6, she’s still up for at least one bite of anything.
Not so with Daughter No. 2, who lived on bread, fruit and milk for an entire year. A third child has now joined us at the table. He has eaten everything from peas to pineapple and lasagna to lamb, but will his enthusiasm persist? What can I do if it doesn’t?
The uncomfortable answer: Nothing.
Parents can cajole, demand and camouflage, but it’s hard to make a child eat something he doesn’t want to.
Forcing the issue merely turns the dinner table into a battlefield. That’s not me talking. I’m broadly summarizing Satter’s approach to feeding children, something she calls the division of responsibility.
“The parent controls the what, when and where of feeding,” Satter says. “The child is responsible for how much and whether to eat.”
Her advice sounds simple, yet it’s hard to follow. Nothing is as disheartening as seeing tiny lips clamp shut against a lovingly prepared meal.
It’s easy to give in and race back to the kitchen in search of something — anything — your child will eat. Or to buy packaged toddler or kiddie foods with his favorite character on the box. Or stick to the universal children’s menu of burgers, grilled cheese and pizza.
These tactics achieve the ultimate goal: a full tummy. But none teaches your child about enjoying a variety of foods, said Nancy Tringali Piho, author of “My Two-Year-Old Eats Octopus.”
“You want to expose kids to a lot of foods, a lot of flavors and a lot of textures early on as their tastes are beginning to develop,” Piho says.
The best way to do that, she says, is to serve children the same meal you make for yourself.
They don’t need separate “kid-friendly” foods or snacks. Parents are often surprised by the spices, cuisines or dishes their kids take to.
Here’s what else I’ve learned:
Remember the when and where: Food is a big part of a small child’s day, Satter reminds us. She recommends offering three meals and two snacks about the same time each day, preferably while seated, so kids can focus on their food and learn a few manners. Satter’s approach is detailed on her Web site, www.ellynsatter.com.
Skip the kiddie foods: Children’s food products often rely on sweeteners, salt and fat for much of their appeal, making it hard for kids to develop a taste for anything else, Piho says.
Don’t label: Calling a child picky gives her license to refuse food and discourages parents from trying new things. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that can also damage a child’s self-esteem, Satter says.
Don’t give up: Toddlers especially are wary of new foods and might need to see, smell and touch a food many, many times before agreeing to taste — much less eat — it.
Develop a repertoire of standards, but keep presenting a variety of things. Your child might not eat broccoli today, or tomorrow, or even next year. But if you don’t offer it, he never will.
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