Dear Grandparenting:
I don’t know what kids call it today, but “shacking up” was the operative term when I was their age. Adults used to react strongly when shacking up entered the conversation, because living and sleeping together without getting married was not something that good respectable people did.
I did some shacking up before getting hitched in 1974. We got divorced in 2008 and now I’m shacking up again with my new lady friend. Grandparents once gossiped about their grandchildren who were shacking up, but now I can’t help but wonder if my grandchildren will be gossiping about me!
My lady and I have been together for almost two years. We’ve been sneaky about hiding it because we didn’t want to upset anyone, but decided to come clean and stop pretending. We are much happier with this arrangement as opposed to living apart, and neither of us really wants to get married again. (Her husband died eight years ago.) I doubt it will matter all that much to our grandchildren because shacking up isn’t a big deal anymore. What’s your opinion?
Wayne Carr, Wilmington, Deleware
Dear Wayne:
If you think cohabitation is something only young people do, think again. According to Pew Research, you have plenty of company. Between 2007 and 2016, the number of adults aged 50 and older who live together increased a whopping 75 percent, the biggest jump of any age group.
Baby boomers, who pretty much invented youthful premarital cohabitation back in the 1960s and 1970s, are back at it again, only now it tends to be post-marital cohabitation.
And it’s not difficult to understand why. Some 76 million strong, America’s baby boomers are many, and many are newly single — the divorce rate for those 50 and over has doubled in last 25 years.
As society becomes more accepting of alternative lifestyles, the idea of establishing a satisfying personal relationship takes precedence over a marriage certificate. For older adults, remarriage or marriage can complicate financial assets, but pooling resources often provides a measure of economic protection.
Grandparents 60 and older are much different from 60-year-olds just some 20 or 30 years ago. So are grandchildren, who grow up sooner and are more accepting of whatever living arrangements work. Instead of worrying about their grandfather living alone or socially isolated, with any luck they’ll eventually come around to seeing and sharing your happiness.
Grand Remark of the Week
When Julie Wright from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, is asked about her grandchildren, she is ready with a quick reply.
“I tell them that all my grandchildren are brilliant and beautiful of course, because they take after their grandmother.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
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