We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all TV shows are created equal, that they are endowed by their networks certain levels of priority and that means they save the worst stuff for the summer.
The founding fathers could free us from King George III, but they couldn’t save us from bad TV.
Alas, it’s July, and that means that TV writers everywhere are frantically looking for things to grace their pages. If Big Bird weren’t on the White House hit list and Tom Cruise weren’t near-criminally insane, what would we have to write about?
But since this space is devoted twice each week to what’s happening on television – and attention-spans aren’t at their greatest these days – let’s take a gander around the dial and see what we see.
* They say home is where the heart is, but it’s really where some of the worst TV is.
ABC did us all a favor by pulling its new reality series, “Welcome to the Neighborhood.” In the show, the residents of a predominantly white, conservative cul-de-sac in Austin, Texas – imagine that! – got to choose which of seven families would get to move into a recently vacated house in the neighborhood.
The so-called social experiment attempted to show that rich, conservative white people could change their minds about the Mexican, black, Wiccan, gay, Korean and tattooed families who were vying for the house.
Oh, and the seventh family had a mom who is a stripper.
It was scheduled to premiere on Sunday, but the network killed it after protests from groups as varied as the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the Family Research Council.
So, who looked good?
After watching two episodes, I can tell you no one did.
Every family trying to “win” the house was an overblown caricature of a race, ethnicity or lifestyle, and the dimwitted life lesson the show tried to convey was far from cutting edge. And those neighbors were about the last people you’d want to live by, anyway.
No word on whether the family that won still gets to keep the house.
* Sadly, Fox isn’t likely to pull the plug on another idiotic reality series, “Princes of Malibu,” which premieres at 8:30 p.m. Sunday on KCPQ-TV.
Music producer David Foster, a 14-time Grammy winner, has a couple of stepsons, and Fox tells us they have “the same problems as any other blended family.”
Why, yes. I was just thinking the other day as I strolled around the grounds of my 22-acre mansion in Malibu that my life is strikingly similar to Foster’s.
Hilarity ensues when the boys – 23-year-old Brandon and 21-year-old Brody (who are both sons of Olympian Bruce Jenner, by the way) – throw massive parties at the house and charge up dinners with friends several nights a week at what Foster calls the most expensive restaurant in California.
* Who are on Earth is watching “Dancing with the Stars”?
Just thought I’d ask.
* It isn’t tough to figure out what the programming people at Showtime are smoking.
The folks who brought us the movie musical “Reefer Madness” are set to promote their new show, “Weeds,” which premieres next month.
It’s a comedy about the dark side of the suburbs, a la “Desperate Housewives.” It stars Mary-Louise Parker as a mom who takes up selling marijuana to make ends meet after her husband dies unexpectedly.
Promos start running this weekend, including one that pans over the suburbs and ends with the tagline, “She’s got the best grass in the neighborhood.”
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to fire up that one.
* Speaking of rampant drug use, 1.1 million viewers watched the premiere of “Being Bobby Brown” on Bravo.
Yes, these are the times that try TV-watchers’ souls.
Victor Balta’s column runs Mondays and Thursdays on the A&E page. Call him at 425-339-3455 or e-mail vbalta@heraldnet.com.
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