If you think too hard about the title “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” it will make your head hurt. So stop thinking.
This is the best advice when approaching Luc Besson’s new sci-fi epic. If you can turn off the part of your brain that demands good acting, logical storytelling and dialogue that sounds as though it were written after 1950, you might just have a blast.
“Valerian” is based on a very popular European comic book series, which Besson has loved for decades. The director of “The Fifth Element” and “Lucy” takes the premise and runs with it, creating a sparkly, silly, eye-popping world.
The audacious opening sequences give a hint of Besson’s imagination. The credits roll while the centuries pass and we meet a series of outer-space creatures, each group more outlandish than the last. This is scored to David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” because I guess Elton John’s “Rocket Man” was too subtle.
Then we move to a fantastical planet of spindly creatures and endless beaches, a paradise soon spoiled by an invasion. This place will figure later in the story, but for the moment it’s enough to be dazzled by the amazing special effects.
Then we meet our heroes, time-and-space voyagers named Valerian (Dane DeHaan, from “Chronicle”) and Laureline (supermodel Cara Delevingne). They fight galactic crime or something, and there’s a big plot involving — with apologies to Mel Brooks — spaceballs, little round gizmos of great power.
Besson basically piles one crazy sequence on top of another, most of them set at a giant floating space city where all the planets of the universe (or at least a thousand) have representatives.
There are name actors in the cast: Clive Owen as a military bigwig, Ethan Hawke as a futuristic pimp, and Rihanna as a shape-shifting performer. Besson’s answer to the question “Why put Rihanna in this movie?” is basically “Why not put Rihanna in this movie?”
The two leads are limp dishrags. Delevingne’s action moves could best be described as akin to a 10-year-old playing “Mission: Impossible”: like so much of the film, not remotely believable but also kind of enjoyable to watch.
The biggest problem, beyond the nonsensical storyline, is Besson’s ear for English dialogue. The movie collapses in a heap whenever DeHaan and Delevingne engage in their allegedly flirtatious banter.
Despite its problems, “Valerian” has some of the glittery absurdity of the 1980 “Flash Gordon.” If you’ve ever had fun with that movie, you might find similar mojo here.
“Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” (2 1/2 stars)
Two time-space detectives (Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne) have adventures in a city full of wild aliens and crazy special effects. Luc Besson’s sci-fi epic features leaden performances and clumsy dialogue, but it’s so full of sparkly imagination you might not care.
Rating: PG-13, for violence
Opening Friday: Alderwood Mall, Cinebarre Mountlake Terrace, Everett Stadium, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Stanwood Cinemas, Meridian, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Sundance Cinemas, Thornton Place Stadium, Woodinville, Cascade Mall, Oak Harbor Plaza, Blue Fox Drive-In
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