SCREAM QUEEN / Remakes ate my brain

  • Friday, October 24, 2008 6:28pm
  • Life

Deja boo all over again: “Poltergeist,” “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Child’s Play.” “Children of the Corn,” “Pet Sematary,” “Hellraiser,” “The Birds.” “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” fer cryin’ out loud.

Remakes of all of them, unfortunately, are either planned or in production.

Not all remakes are a tragic waste of your time and money.

I really liked “Dawn of the Dead” and “The Hills Have Eyes,” John Carpenter’s remake of his own film. (It’s also the most gleeful gore I’ve ever seen.) “Pet Sematary” and “Children of the Corn” were so weak, remakes aren’t such a bad idea.

But Gus Van Sant’s reshooting of “Psycho” frame for frame, well, that was just weird, and “The Omen.” But Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” was an outrage. The best thing that could happen to this movie is Joel, Crow and Tom Servo of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” (See the ScreamQueen blog on HeraldNet for a froth-mouthed rant on “Halloween.”)

“Ruinmakes” is the term I use for American regurgitation of Asian horror movies such as “The Eye,” “Pulse” and “One Missed Call” — I didn’t bother with “Shutter.” “The Grudge” and, to a lesser extent, “Dark Water” were OK, but their originals were definitely better. “The Ring” is the only one that can more or less stand toe-to-toe with its parent, “Ringu.”

The upcoming remake that bothers me the most is “The Birds.” ­Special-effectswise, this movie cries for a remake.

But I don’t want to give up any of the rest of the movie under the direction of Sir Alfred Hitchcock.

Gus, need a project?

Discuss horror movies with Jacqueline “Scream Queen” McCartney during the month of October on her blog at www.heraldnet.com/screamqueen.

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