Self-help books at best offer support

  • Monday, April 26, 2004 9:00pm
  • Life

If you’re looking for intrigue, mystery, romance and sex, try the self-help section of the book store.

I was intrigued by "Soft Addictions."

What’s a soft addiction?

This book is for people who watch too much TV or are into celebrity gossip. What?

Would a person who watches too much TV ever go into a book store to look for this book in the first place?

I am convinced that the self-help section of the bookstore is the real melting pot for America. Ideas that were at one time quirky, outside the box, new or taboo all found their way into the mainstream through the self-help section.

Look at how meditation has become pop culture. It used to be sitting silently in the self-help section. Now it’s so popular, it’s in its own section.

But really how many ways are there to sit silently? And doesn’t all the talk defeat the silence?

While some books sit silently waiting for you to find them in the self-help shelves, other books disguise their intentions and do a power move right out of the section.

"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven R. Covey didn’t do any time in the self-help section at all. It had box seats in the business section. But who is kidding who? This was Self-help 101.

The stigma of being in the self-help section needs to be alleviated. Maybe it’s time for a new name for the self-help section.

We could ride on the success of home improvement — perhaps the "life-improvement section"? Catchier, don’t you think?

But before we do any renaming, let’s clear the self-help shelf of the "dummy" and "idiot" guide books. This just takes an embarrassing situation and makes it worse.

There are a couple of other books I’d like to remove from the section. Being a therapist by training, I can’t help but find some of the books worrisome. Emotional self-surgery isn’t for everyone. There is also the risk of inaccurately diagnosing yourself. Standing among the plethora of titles, some people are just prone to find more and more ailments to pin on themselves.

I’m also troubled by the books that seem to promise more than they can deliver. I’m wary of titles that say "Win Your Divorce," "The Sinus Cure" or "Bulimia, a Guide to Recovery."

Maybe we need a warning label: "Don’t try this alone" or "May not work for everyone." Or "If this book doesn’t help you, don’t give up."

I have found comfort and relief in self-help books that suggest ways to gain support around the issue but not promising a cure. A book is worth a read when it provides suggestions, support and companionship.

At best, the books in self-help are companions.

Some self-help books ring so true for so many that they are classics. Books that earn this recognition are easily passed along by word of mouth. Books such as "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, "The Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, and "Celebrate Your Self" by Dorothy Corkille Briggs have all earned a long shelf life.

At worst, a book crosses the line when the authors insist that you will find the answer within its pages. It could leave you worse off than when you started.

A title like "binge breaker" would leave you feeling like a failure if the bingeing continued after you read the book.

One final word of caution: Resist the temptation to buy one of these books, gift wrap it and present it to your friend or life partner.

Pass along a title, if you must, and say how much it helped you. But handing off one of these books is like handing off a grenade. You could be adding insult to injury.

Sarri Gilman, a licensed therapist, has founded two local nonprofit organizations to support children and teens who have been homeless. She is a mother, wife and songwriter. Her column on living with purpose and meaning runs every other Tuesday. You can e-mail her at features@heraldnet.com.

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